Leigh Winters in the Words of Others

People have said alot of things about me. Not because I am especially interesting but mostly because I have had interactions in a lot of different places with a lot of different kinds of people. So this is me through the lens of others.

“A true empath” - My “second mother” taught me that. Her family welcomed me into their arms  at a time I really needed help. After I was hospitalized the first time they let me stay in their house so I could be safe while I completed the semester. It was Christy who told me that I might be an empath because I  had such a strong capacity for love. If something horrible happened to a friend it felt like it was happening to me too. My heart would physically hurt which in the past people had said to me “You just want attention” Wrong. I wanted to help. 

“A little too sensitive” One of my aunts once told me it is like I’m made of glass. I admit to being fragile. I don’t always think it is a bad thing because it enables me to be a better person. But sometimes it drives the people around me crazy. My mom once told me it was hard being my girl scout leader because she had to pay attention to other little girls and I only wanted her to pay attention to me. Honestly looking back I was unbearable in elementary school. I was the kind of girl who cried when boys teased her and then told the teacher (a crybaby and a tattletale. I am not at all proud).

“Crazy” When I apologized to my friend’s girlfriend she accused me of “being crazy in a bad way” Many people have called me crazy but that response hurt me the most for some reason. Maybe because we used to be so close. Clinically I do have several mental illnesses. I have been hospitalized in two states in four hospitals six times (total. Not each). I have had manic episodes. I have had  depressive episodes. I have been psychotic. Does that make me crazy? I don’t think it does. Most days I am in my right mind. I do require medication to regulate my emotions and sometimes I will throw a curveball at my parents and psychiatrist.  But I think “crazy” is oversimplifying it. 

“A worrywart” This is undeniably true. Anxiety has always been part of my life. I was diagnosed when I was eleven with GAD (general anxiety disorder) and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). I started getting panic attacks as I got older which were a big part of why I couldn’t work for a while or take on big responsibilities. I still do worry alot but I have lived with it long enough to find ways to conquer it or at least keep it under control until the moment has passed. It is comforting to know I do worry for a reason. At first when I was a kid I thought I was possessed and I would burn in hell. It was very hard for me to understand something was wrong with the chemicals in my brain (“crazy”)

“Sweet”” My mom’s entire family calls me “sweet Leigh” I think my Grandma got it started when I was a baby (the first grandchild and the only girl). My two aunts call me sweet and some of my cousins do too. It’s the role I play in the family and though sometimes I feel  like its alot to live up to I love my family for giving it to me.

“Trashiest person alive” This title was bestowed on me by a guy who (at the time) was dating  my friend. He had a point. At the time  I was drinking alot and I didn’t have a steady boyfriend (meaning I sometimes had one night stands). Nonetheless I felt his condemnation was a little harsh (looking back I see the party lifestyle didn’t really suit me). Later on when he had broken up with my friend we did have a brief fling and he didn’t seem to think I was so trashy anymore.

“Too smart for your own good” This was something a guy told me after we had hooked up on his couch. The only reason its on this list is that no guy had ever flattered my intelligence after the hookup. Maybe he was saying I  was smart to go after what I wanted. And I had wanted him.

Well, thats enough for today. Those are some people that spoke about me. I try not to let one label define me. I am a myriad of all of them.