7 Questions You Ask Yourself When You're Bipolar

1. Am I hypomanic or just happy? I’ve been bipolar my whole life and I still have trouble distinguishing between being happy or being manic  (hypomanic is a mild form of mania. It hides itself well). Sometimes I have alot of positive stuff going on in  my life- birthday parties, vacations, Christmas- and I’m all keyed up for these events but I wonder if I’ve tripped into mania territory. The trick is to see if there are other symptoms at work. Racing thoughts? Sleepless nights (as if any of us can sleep the night before Christmas!)? Irritability? These are tip off points that it might be more than just happiness and excitement.

   
   

2. Am I irritable or PMSing? Being a girl with bipolar disorder certainly complicates things because of the whole hormones issue. It is really important for girls to track their periods so they know in the coming days if they were being cranky for hormonal reasons, not because they are becoming manic. Of course there  is always the unfortunate coincidence that you are PMSing and manic. AI says getting your period is not directly linked to mania. At least that’s a bit of good news.

   
   

3. Am I hypersexual or just horny? Hypersexual is almost like a spell. You are constantly aroused and it is humiliating or embarrassing if you are with your family or in a professional setting. When I’m  hypersexual I try to spend time by myself. Its safer that way. People with hypersexuality will hit on anybody and I don’t want to embarrass myself or hurt anybody by doing that. Horny just means you watch too much porn and need to get laid. If you are hypersexual, please don’t be afraid to call your psychiatrist for a med adjustment. You deserve some relief.

   
   

4. Are these intrusive thoughts or auditory hallucinations? When I was at school I heard voices on several occasions, which usually led to me hiding in the bathroom. These voices told me to kill myself and at one time I listened. But I’ve also been getting intrusive thoughts with my OCD since I was eleven years old. Intrusive thoughts can be scary but they aren’t going to hurt you, just maybe upset you. My advice is to do something to distract yourself or to find someone to talk it out with. Intrusive thoughts thrive on secrecy but there is nothing to be ashamed of. Auditory hallucinations are something I’d call my psychiatrist about, even if you aren’t 100% sure (that’s what they get paid the  big bucks for). Auditory hallucinations are a sign of psychosis which can be very dangerous. Don’t be scared. Tell someone you love and get to a safe place.

   
   

5. Am I genuinely enthusiastic about these project(s) or is it mania? When you are manic you can get very into projects. For me that would be making presents for half my family or starting three novels at the same time. Everytime I mention a new project to my mom she gets worried cuz she knows there’s potential I’m manic. It is only when I can’t drag myself away or won’t stop thinking incessantly about it that I know it is more than just a project. 

   
   

6. Do I genuinely want to buy this or is it bipolar? It started the summer before my junior year of college. I worked at Charlotte Russe and got an amazing discount (40% every day, 50% once a month) because obviously they wanted us to wear their clothes. I was happy to oblige, sneaking home clothes every day in pink plastic bag. My boyfriend at the time encouraged me to model the clothes for him and sometimes he would buy them for me. And then I got hooked on shoes. I didn’t ever give a shit about brands or labels. I went by what would look sexiest when I would hobble onto campus in them. These heels were steep and could probably blind someone if shoved through their eye socket. A few weeks before school started I fell down the stairs. I wasn’t allowed to wear heels after that. 

   
   

7. Should you go to ER?

Previously if you felt unsafe you could go directly to a psych hospital where they were equipped to take care of you. Now you have to go to a public hospital and they keep you in the psych part of the ER away from everybody else until the hospital psychiatrist comes to evaluate you. She will decide if you need to be hospitalized and if so, you will wait until a bed in a local psych hospital opens up. Sometimes this means staying in the ER overnight watching Dr. Pimple Popper.  It’s scary to decide to go to the hospital but it’s not as scary as living through a depressive or manic episode. Don’t drive, get someone to go with you. And send them really nice flowers once you’re out. Because you will get out. This is all temporary. This is all to keep you safe. And you are safe. I promise.