Happy Valentine’s Day! I am so excited to spend my day with the people who love me most- my parents and then Justin (we have a bit of a late reservation. 9:45). The OCD is particularly bad today as it tends to get worse on holidays and on my period. Recently I took some more journals out of my fireproof box. Logically I know I must go through this at some point. I’m going to run out of room eventually. In fact I already have. So I put the journals that don’t fit on my shelf but every time I touch them or think about them I want them in a box. It’s a sign I haven’t completely conquered my OCD.
I wonder if it’ll ever be fully gone or an everpresent whispering in the back of my mind. I’ve learned to stifle it for intervals but it creeps up[ when there is a lull in conversation and then I can’t focus on what the person is saying. Its the phantom fire I’m worried about. I know it has to do with seeing a house burn to the ground when I was a kid so don’t tell me they don’t. They could. They did. It feels foolish to think I could be exempt from catastrophe.
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