AITA Parts Four and Five
- Catherine Moscatt
- 4 hours ago
- 11 min read
I’m sorry I didn’t post yesterday. Family obligations but in a good way. Today I’m doing alot of writing before a busy weekend. Anyway I gave you a double dose of AITA today to compensate for yesterday.
r/AmItheAsshole • 4h ago
AITA for dropping my kids off with my wife when she is with a grieving friend
My wife’s best friend (Jessie) lost her husband about a month ago. My wife has been at her home almost every single day since. My job has me being on call some nights and money is tight so I can’t not be on call.
I know Jessie is struggling but it is stressing me out a ton to be a basically a single parent since my wife is never home. I have talked to her about cutting back but that ends in an argument about me being heartless.
Yesterday I was on call and I actually got called in. I couldn’t leave our two daughters home alone ( 6 & 9) so I called my wife telling her she needs to head home now, I need to leave. She told me no, and to figure it out.
We don’t have the money for a sitter, my parents live too far away, her parent aren’t allowed near the kids ( they suck) and my friends have their own lives/families.
So I packed up the kids and one my way to work dropped them off at Jessie’s house. My wife was pissed that I did that.
When I got back we got into a huge argument and I told her that she actually needs to be a parent. That I am very sick of her playing house at Jessie’s house and we have our own kids.
She thinks I am “ a heartless fucking man” and I told her to be parent to our own kids
It’s nice that your wife is such a good friend to someone who needs her. However, she is needed at home too: by you and by her own children. I think you’ve been very patient letting this going on a month. It was probably hard for your wife to be in the role of a constant therapist but also hard for you to be a single parent while working a full time job. I don’t think you were the asshole for finding a solution for a very pressing problem. You were needed at work and they are just as much her responsibility as yours. Hopefully your words provided a well needed wakeup call.
AITA for not wanting to pay for FIL's and MIL's retirement home?
Husband (45M) and I (45F) moved far from our families. We have two kids on the spectrum and have created a good life for ourselves. My family has always been helping financially, while his never gave him/us a dime. MIL and FIL have built two houses, one for them and the other for their younger son (who stayed to live close to them). They also bought a car for him and raised/supported his kids. I, on the other hand, did everything myself: raised the kids, homeschooled them, managed all the doctors, maintained the house...so that husband can build a career. With my family's money and his skills, he built a good business. And now, 15 years after we left, MIL and FIL (both 65) say that they want to go to a retirement home. Besides being too young for this, they are also both very healthy and active. They just feel like they'd enjoy being waited on and have somebody else clean/cook/care for them. And they are expecting US to pay for this! They could easily sell their house to pay for this, but they want to leave it to their younger son since he's kind of a deadbeat. Hubby wants to commit to this (he's sensitive to his mother's wishes), but I am against it. The way I see it: they already gave the brother one house and nothing to us, they can afford to pay it from their house's proceedings but don't want to, and they don't even need to be in a retirement home. The fact is, the deadbeat brother will quickly sell their house once they enter that retirement home, so they'd not be able to go back to their house. Hence, they'll be our obligation for the next 20 years down the road. I am not ready to commit to this since our kids might need a lifetime of (money) support due to being on the spectrum, while bother's kids are fine. Also, I don't think this is fair to my parents who gave us over half a mil over the last 15 years without expecting anything in return. AITA for not wanting to pay for their retirement home?
Sooooo not the asshole. Your FIL and MIL are certainly entitled. It is hard emotionally much less financially to have a kid on the spectrum, much less too. You’ve worked hard your whole life and so has your husband to build the life you have now. Your FIL and MIL have clearly favored your BIL. Now its time for him to pay it back. You are not actually needed by your FIL and MIL, they are manipulating your husband, who maybe wishes he has a better relationship with his parents and some regrets. They don’t need to be in a retirement home. Nothing is physically wrong with them and they can still care for themselves. Tell hubby maybe you’ll consider helping ten years down the road when they maybe actually need care and you can have that discussion then. Until then, I wouldn’t budge.
AITA for showing my boudoir photos to my close friends
I just got a boudoir photoshoot done as a birthday gift for my husband. To all those who don’t know, a boudoir photoshoot is a very intimate photoshoot designed to make you feel good and sexy about your body. Basically you are in your lingerie or sometimes even nude. For my photoshoot I would do 3-4 outfits. I went with full nude as my last outfit.
We got the photos after about 15 days and they had come out really good. I told my group of very close female friends about the boudoir photoshoot experience. They had never done something like this themselves and were very curious about it. So I just ended up showing up my boudoir photos. Everyone loved them and a couple of them said they would consider doing one themselves too. Mind you these are very close friends. I’ve known them for 10+ years and trust them.
After I got home, I casually mentioned that my friends loved my boudoir photos. He got pissed that I should them to my friends. His point : These photos are very intimate and should have remained between us. Also he’s not comfortable with me showing my intimate images to my friends. My point : It is me who is in the photos and I am comfortable showing them to my close friends. They are friends I trust and they were genuinely interested.
I don’t think this makes you an asshole. I chalk it up to miscommunication at best. I noticed another commenter said something like “your husband thinks he owns your body” I don’t think that’s true. There is privacy and intimacy in a marriage and clearly he thinks you violated this. Next time you want to share something between you two I would clear it with him first. Yes, it is your body and you are entitled to do what you want with it but obviously your husband is uncomfortable. Do you want to make him feel that way?
r/AmItheAsshole • 16h ago
AITA for embarrassing my mom in front of the doctor?
So I (16f) and my mom (51f) went to my neurologist appointment yesterday because my migraines have been acting up like crazy lately. My mom is really into natural stuff and has giving me soooo many vitamins and random “natural” stuff she has found online for me to take. She gets upset if I refuse to take them.
The thing is I’m not doing that out of disrespect, I do my own research and some of the stuff she has me taking either won’t do anything for my migraines, or is to much. Like she has me taking almost 700 milligrams of magnesium a day that’s insane. I brought it up to her after doing my own teacher and finding that I really shouldn’t be having more than 400 milligrams a day and she got pissed at me. She also gets mad when I refuse to read the chat gpt “articles” she sends me but I dont think it’s all the accurate. (Especially cause it suggested I take 850 milligrams somehow😭)
So when she was taking about all the prescriptions and medicines with my neurologist my mom mentioned one of the pills she has me taking. The doctor suggested I stop taking it when my new prescription comes in because it also has magnesium in it. I decide to ask how much magnesium I should be having a day and she says exactly what I have been telling my mom. Around 350 milligrams. Here’s Where I was a little petty… I turned to my mom and said “ i told you so” and I was playing around but she got fr butt hurt. When we got it the car she was pissed and didn’t talk to me💔
I don’t think I’m really the butthole because I had been telling her but she dosent wanna listen to anything that ain’t chat gpt or anyone younger than her. It’s about my health and I was just trying to show her that I know what’s good for me as well.
Not the asshole. Parents don’t always know best for us, however much they might want to. Is your mom a doctor? Did she go to med school? Or is her only education Chat GPT and only unreliable resources. It’s dangerous to play doctor because prescribing high amounts of certain supplements (even natural supplements) might make you sick or interact with other supplements and medications. I have never taken a supplement that was not prescribed by a doctor. My mom does research for things that might help my condition but she always makes sure it’s cleared by doctor before giving it to me (I think the only non prescription meds I’m on are Vitamin D and Prilosec for heartburn). I think your mom was just embarrassed she was wrong. You barely said anything. And you’re right. It is your health, not hers.
r/AmItheAsshole • 16h ago
AITA for changing my childcare situation?
My husband’s sister used to watch my 2.5yo two days a week during the school year. She floated the idea a few summers ago. I was upfront that he was already in a super affordable ($350/mo) program and the absolute max our budget allowed was $400/month. My MIL and sister help me and I have a flexible schedule so I only need two days of paid childcare. I realize $400 is not a lot but I was extremely clear about what we were able to pay.
Before this school year started, my SIL asked to increase the cost to $500/month. I was set to student teach in a matter of weeks and it was relatively last minute so we said yes. Two weeks ago, she told us she had to increase the number to $600/month to be closer to a fair market value. I was luckily able (by begging) to get my son back in the original program we had him in. I told my SIL I would give her a glowing reference and I was super grateful for her but that I couldn’t afford her rates. I sent her money for the first two weeks of November even though she didn’t watch him those weeks.
She tried to walk it all back and say we could go back to $500. Then back to $400. Then she was like “fuck it I’ll do it for $300.” At this point I’m regretting the whole thing and will for the rest of my freaking life. There is bad blood now and I wouldn’t send my son into the middle of it anyway.
My other SIL said that I am kind of an AH because I unexpectedly left my SIL without the income she depended on and she can’t pay her car insurance.
AITA here?
Also whether I am the AH or not please take a lesson from this story not to mix business and family.
Ack, what a sticky situation. No you are not the asshole. You were very upfront about what you could and could not afford. You simply can’t pull money out of thin air, otherwise alot of other problems would be solved (and probably a lot more started to think of it). What does your husband think of all this? It is his sister. Maybe he should be the one to interact with her? You even paid her for time she didn’t even watch him. Is this her primary source of income? Does she run a daycare or was it just your child? I’m sorry there is bad blood here but you certainly learned an excellent lesson. Family helps family but when money is involved everything changes.
AITA-Need perspective: I had a cousin visit, and my partner reacted in a way I don’t understand
Myself- 35F and partner- 38M dating for 4+ years
Background • I went out of town for my dad’s birthday. • I reconnected with family members I hadn’t seen in about twenty years. • I especially bonded with two cousins I grew up with, one male and one female. • My male cousin and his wife were especially warm and invited me to come visit where they live. • It felt really good to reconnect with family after so long.
The visit • A couple days later, my cousin called to say he’d be passing through my area on his way home. • He asked if he could stop by for a little bit to see my new house. • I recently bought my first home, I’m proud of it, and I was excited that a family member wanted to see it. • I informed my partner ahead of time. He couldn’t join because he had family plans with his kids. • I kept him updated about the visit and didn’t hide anything.
What actually happened • My cousin arrived around 8:30 pm. • I made some food. • I had two glasses of wine; he had a couple drinks he brought. • We caught up, talked about family, and I showed him around my house. • It was just a simple, normal, family catch-up after twenty years.
My partner’s messages during the visit • Partway through the visit, he texted asking what we were talking about and where we were sitting. • He said it was suspicious that it took me longer than two minutes to reply. • I was trying to be polite by not staring at my phone while I had a guest in front of me.
The accusation • Out of nowhere, he told me he “wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up sleeping with my cousin.” • I was shocked and told him that was inappropriate and disrespectful. • Instead of calming down, he escalated.
The escalation • He insulted my family background and said I came from a broken home. • He told me I don’t understand what a normal relationship looks like. Or what is normal to do with my family? • He insisted anyone would agree with him. • He dismissed everything I said when I tried to explain why his accusation was hurtful and out of line.
How I’m feeling now • I feel confused and rattled. • I don’t think I did anything wrong by spending time with a family member, especially after reconnecting with them for the first time in decades. • But the way he reacted is making me question myself. • I’m genuinely not sure whether I crossed some boundary or if this is an overreaction.
My question for Reddit • Was I wrong for having my cousin over and not texting much during the visit? • Is this a normal reaction from a partner? • How would other people interpret this situation?
Does your partner say hurtful and inappropriate things frequently? Does he let you go out with friends? Does he let you have guy friends at all? He thinks you’ll end up sleeping with your cousin. It sounds like his mind goes to twisted places and that’s not healthy. If he’s jealous of your cousin, his jealousy could escalate and he could become dangerous, trying to isolate your from family and friends. My advice is to run. Run fast.
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