Am I Manic or Did I Just Stay Up Too Late?

Sleep is a delicate issue with mania. Usually if someone is manic they can go days, sometimes weeks without quality rest. This might mean they sneak a few Z’s here and there but a good nights sleep always evades them. And sometimes they don’t notice. And sometimes they don’t care. When I had my big manic episode junior year of college I would go so long without sleeping. I hated nights because everyone was asleep and I felt lonely. Sometimes I’d fall asleep in class to make up for it. I think the teachers just assumed I partied too much when in reality I stayed out till one or two in the morning because I was afraid to go back to my dorm and be with myself. I really wish I had reached out for help but I was a) scared they would send back home b) I’d be sent to a hospital c) there was something really wrong with me. And there was. It took a lot of fixing (and meds) to get where I am today.

Anyway, we had a party yesterday. It was so much fun. My little cousins came (although they are not little anymore) and we talked movies, cloning and shark attacks among other things. It was around 12 when everyone cleared out but my aunts stayed over and we stayed up till two talking and playing chess (make no mistake. I was not one of the chess players). Then I read a few chapters of Jurassic Park because I had to and because its compelling. Then I finally went to sleep. 

This morning I felt physically sick. Sick because I had not gotten my requisite number of sleep. I wondered why I got up and went t through a stack of sign language cards when I could be in bed. But as the morning goes on I’m feeling better and better. I’m thinking maybe I’m not manic, just happy my two aunts are here and that we have a whole weekend in front of us. Mania really is a mystery.