Breakdown of My Manic Episode

Each of my manic episodes is a little different, especially how far they go before I am properly medicated. But I think I’ve broken it down into chunks so me and the people around me are aware of what is going on.

1. It starts with an idea/ project. Sometimes more than one. I become obsessed with these projects working incessantly on it, sometimes giving up sleep (who needs sleep?) because I’m afraid I’ll miss a token of genius. I also won’t shut up about my project and I can’t take clues that people don’t want to hear about it.

2. This is embarrassing but my second symptoms is usually hypersexuality, when I start feeling attracted to men and women, even ones I normally would not be attracted to had I been in a regular mood. Sometimes I make big mistakes. Hypersexuality can be very dangerous and if you don’t know what it is it is very confusing.

3. I feel social and grandiose as though I am everyone’s friend and everyone is dying to talk to me. Especially at 3 am in the morning when I am wide awake. In reality most of these people I haven’t talked to for years and they are probably annoyed and confused when they hear the pre-dawn ramblings of a girl starved for sex not in her right mind. 

4. I become irritable. This is most apparent when I’m with family but I’ve lost it with friends too (poor Jake). Everything sets me off. I’ve started crying in bowling alleys for God’s sake. It’s more than a little embarrassing. 

   
   

5. As the mania becomes more intense, I experience flits of psychosis. I will hear a song and become convinced it is talking to me. I will be afraid to leave the bathroom because I think there are people out there hurting me. I will hear voices telling me to kill myself. In the end I do try to kill myself. This takes place over a matter or weeks or a matter of months. This is truly  one of the reasons you don’t fuck with bipolar. You get it when you can.