Shadow Work Wednesday Part One

These are some prompts from one of my new new journals. So after Christmas I swore I would never lay eyes on another guided journal. But then the Barnes and Noble near me went out of business. Everything was half off so me and my best friend headed over to see what we could find. By that time most of the books (and almost all the journals) were almost gone. But I found two guided journals, rescued them and gave them a home. One of them is called Shadow Growth Journal and that will be the book we working with today.

How do you recognize the influence of your shadow self on  your decision-making process throughout the day?

• My room always looks like a tornado went through it because I don’t pick up after myself

• I put too much butter on my matzoh

• I get cranky when I have to fill my medicine holder

• I usually only do cardio at the gym

• I buy an energy drink after working out

• I sigh like I’m  mortally wounded when Mom asks me to do a simple task

• My blog is usually all about me (exhibit A)

• I write for several hours- not break

• I feel depressed before or after dinner

• I feel like something is chasing me

When do you feel your shadow self-merging most strongly and how does it affect  your interactions with others?

It emerges either around five or around seven (either side of dinner) , It’s a creepy depression feeling and it settles like an iron lung replaced my human one. It makes me dour and concerns my parents who get alarmed by mood swings. Even when I’m so happy in the morning, it isn’t unusual for me to be deeply unsettled later.

In what ways does your shadow self manifest in your thoughts and emotions and how does this impact your daily routine?

Most of the day is usually fine. But on the days my five o’clock shadow hits I get melancholy. I worry Justin will leave of “something bad will happen” I don’t have the focus to read at night. Sometimes I shower. Sometimes I go to bed early but I feel like that is giving up. It’s always the things my shadow self makes me think.

How do you observe your shadow self influencing your relationships and communication with others?

It takes a toll on Mom and Dad. No one wants to hear “I feel funny” every night and I do feel funny. Not exactly sad but also guilty and unsafe which I sometimes think could be PTSD from my high school days. Will I ever be normal? I wonder. Justin still loves me. Justin is amazing. I woudln’t be here without him. It takes a toll on him too.