But Did You Know This About OCD?

Today I spent half an hour crying in my room after a wonderful weekend with my boyfriend and waking up to ace an interview. Did I have a fight with a friend? Was I in terrible physical pain? Nope. I had misplaced a bookmark. Granted it wasn’t “just” a bookmark. It was a Diamond Art bookmark I had been halfway through. It came from a set of three, all celestial decorated with stars and moons. But you probably are thinking a half hour of crying after copious searching and snapping at my parents who were also looking was taking it a little hard. I would agree. But for some reason as long as I can remember losing something, especially if it is part of a set, has always spurred tantrums and fits of rage. I thought it was me for a while. But no, it is the person my OCD wants me to be. 

OCD manifests in every person a little differently. It was not my parents fault but growing up it would be Defcon five in my house every time I casually misplaced something. They thought I was being unreasonable and overdramatic but later, especially after my OCD diagnosis at age 11, they started to understand. In much the same way, an autistic child may get upset at certain textures or sounds, I cannot tolerate losing things, especially something that is part of a collection. Eventually, my mom helped me self-soothe and I was able to calm down. 

So many are fixated on the germs and the cleanliness and the perfection and don’t get me wrong that’s a big part of OCD too. But OCD has many elements. It’s like a poisonous vine creeping up a brownstone sprouting in all different directions. And no we never found the bookmark.