Changes

I haven’t really talked about the last two-three weeks  because they were difficult. I felt myself getting  manic. I became nuts about organizing all my printed work and bought 30 binder tabs and two binders to sort them into. I started printing out everything I had ever written. I wanted to continue working on all my stories simultaneously. I started a project for my book club and my ASL simultaneously (this all cost $60+ dollars even though I thought I was being frugal). So my psychiatrist raised several of my meds to combat the mania. The medication made me feel sick- dizzy, nauseous and sick to my stomach. I alternated being so tired I couldn’t get up and being a whirlwind. I would fly into rages over things that shouldn’t have mattered. 

One of the medications my doctor raised was Risperdal. Risperdal, an antipsychotic, although it is a miracle drug also elevates my prolactin levels. Prolactin is a hormone that  influences the breasts. Thats why last year when it really got bad I was lactating even though I wasn’t pregnant or hadn’t given  birth. This time I wasn’t lactating but my breasts were swollen and tender. I had blood work yesterday and that confirmed what I know to be true, my prolactin levels had increased.

I think yesterday was the last day of the mania. I crashed pretty hard, slept some of the day. I felt very hopeless like there was nothing to look forward to even though I have such amazing people and activities in my life. Maybe its because it is not morning but I feel much better. 

Here are some small changes I’m going to be instigating in my life:

•  At the beginning of every month I am going to set a budget. I get money from parents but I would like to save more of  it even though I have been doing better at that.

• I’m going to start attending a ASL group that takes beginners. It’s the only way I see myself getting better. Or getting adequate. RIght now I couldn’t even have a basic conversation.

• As soon as we come back from vacation, I am making a present list for Christmas. I want to knit something for everyone I know but obviously that is not feasible.

• Work more on my seventh book. Select personal essays, book reviews and short stories. I plan on contacting the publishing  house in January. It might be my biggest book yet. I am also strongly considering publishing under a different name.

• I won’t be posting piano videos every day anymore for the foreseeable future. Its hard doing a different song every day. I would maybe like to do once a week so I can practice and give the song the attention it fully deserves.