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Five Mistakes I Mulled Over For Way Too Long


  1. Crying at a slam. In the months following my relationship with Mark (fake name) I would burst into tears at many social events. I don’t know why I couldn’t wait until I was alone or at home but when I went out I was extremely emotionally vulnerable and volatile. Mark hurt me- sexually and emotionally. He was a very troubled human being. I didn’t realize this while we were together but in the months following something small would trigger me and I’d burst into tears. Thank God for my best friend. He always calmed me down, taking me to the corner where I could relax and compose myself.


  1. Calling —--- by the wrong name. So this person (they are nonbinary) changed their  name. I was new to the scene and could barely keep everybody’s legal name straight. This person changed their name and for some reason I couldn’t remember their new name. So I called them by the wrong name. Unforgivable offense. They didn’t make me feel badly about it but I don’t think they really liked me and this just made it worse.


  1. Cutting myself for Mark. My relationship with Mark got very twisted at the end. We fought almost every day. He became more and more dominating and controlling. Finally, I got so overwhelmed I relapsed and slit my wrists. My parents took me to the hospital but there were no beds. Mark for his part really didn’t seem to care at all about my physical or mental wellbeing and he picked the fight back up the next day.


  1. Cheating on Mark. Yes, when we took “a break” (I’m having Friend’s flashbacks) I did cheat on him. I think I was trying (in a subtle way) to get revenge. I really didn’t mean to hurt him the way I did even after all he did to me. And he did some pretty bad stuff to me.


  1. Having five donuts at the library. Okay I’m so embarrassed about this. Back when I was working at the library there would be a lot of treats in the break room. Usually for no reason. I was always hungry. Always. I was that person stealing candy off of people’s desks. But eating five donuts (I had a serious problem with  binge eating) is all new low.

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