How to Throw a Party: Invitation Edition

Throwing parties are tricky. There is so much to tackle- the games, the food, the theme, the decorations and of course the invitations. When it comes to parties, invitations are the first things on the list. That’s naturally why you are here. To learn from the expert. Here are some tips that will make the process easier…and more fun!

1. Don’t make a guest list. Instead throw invitations at random individuals you are barely acquainted with until you are way overcapacity and your best friend has to hear about your party from some random person at the grocery store.

2. Wait until the last possible minute to send the invitations until everyone has prior commitments. No one likes to plan ahead.

3. Continue to switch the day around until everyone has worse whiplash than a tennis match. You want to make sure the party date can accommodate everyone. This means moving the date around five or six times and you’re still not happy,

4. Schedule the date the same day as another friend’s party. A friend that has a pool.

5. Take each rejection personally. This person “can’t” go to your party? They’re “away”? Bullshit. This person clearly has a deep seated hatred for you. 

6. Be very vague in your invitations. Say “midsummer party” instead of an actual party and lead everyone to believe your party is actually the summer solstice instead of in July

7. Add “presents welcome” at the end of the invitation. I mean, after all you are letting everyone hang out at your house. Not to mention free food and drinks. You are playing the perfect host. You should reap the benefits of it. If you’re feeling really entitled write “presents encouraged” 

And that is a very simplified version of a very complicated process. After all, you can’t have a partner without guests! So just focus on this now and worry about everything later. Way later.