My Firsts

First Concert: My dad got us tickets to see Paul McCartney and I was riveted. I was hooked by the music, by the theatrics, hearing songs he had performed as one of the Beatles. It was a historical occasion for me, almost a spiritual experience. Since then I’’ve seen at least ten other concerts. The key for me is to only see bands I love. I won’t go see bands I don’t know unless its in a local bar. I’ve enjoyed Fleetwood Mac and Panic at the Disco and Fall Out Boy. Who knows who is in my future.

First Party: I grew up with a mom who could have been a party planner.  I had a mermaid party in kindergarten and we did sand art and “fished” in a inflatable pool.  I  wore my Ariel costume because it was my party and it was my right. It was hard to run away from my little brother though. The next year my mom did a tea party and she made all sorts of yummy treats that would appeal to seven year olds. When I didn’t have friend parties we threw parties for the whole family. All t he  kids would race each other up and down the driveway in bicycles and wheelbarrels and wagons. Honestly I’m surprised no one broke an arm.

First Memory: I was on a dance floor in a very fancy room with blue balloons everywhere. I was just learning to walk. My Poppy was lying next to me making me smile. I miss Poppy. I miss the way he made me smile.

First pet: Technically we had a cat named Shamee when I was born but she was very aloof and I didn’t ever remember petting her. She died when I was six. When I was eleven, my mom brought home two cats as a surprise: Scout, the sleek black cat , and Susie the fluffy tabby. They were brother and sister, both extremely friendly. Susie liked to lick. Scout liked to squeak. Susie passed away about three years ago but Scout still hangs on. I don’t know what will happen when he goes. I don’t like to think about it.

First Vacation: It would have to be Cape Cod because we go every year. When I was little, me, my cousin Andrew and brother Michael would have full run of the beach. We would entice the grownups to wrestle with us. When more kids came we started playing games like wiffleball (third base kept floating away)  and basketball. The hotel put in a pool and hot tub. Now all my cousins girlfriends come and we drink (well not me) and play social deduction games until two in in the morning. There’s music, there’s hot dogs and the local towns (Wellfleet and Provincetown) are definitely worth exploring. Two more weeks!

First School: I attended the elementary school down the block. It was here that I realized a) how much I loved writing, more than anything and I could even do it in my free time! I started keeping my first journal in second grade. b) I was actually better than some other people at school. Before this I thought everyone thought the same. I was also taken and put in an advanced class.

First Kiss: My first kiss is….complicated. I was kissed by the same guy who sexually assaulted  me at age fourteen. I thought if I let him kiss me we’d be together and my assault would be negated. It doesn’t make sense now but at the time I was really messed up and hadn’t told many people what happened so I didn’t have anyone telling me what I should do. I regret giving my first kiss away like that but at least I learned to stop blaming myself.

First Crush: My first really big crush was named Danny. He was extremely good looking and there were at least six girls with a crush on him. He was the only guy I ever went for due to looks alone simply because I knew nothing about him except that he was good at sports. When middle school came, I  had to sit next to him in two classes and I realized quickly that even though he was a nice guy the spark had died. Now I don’t like guys until I’ve spoken to them. 

First Love: I was thirteen, doing community service at the library when I met Jo. He was a junior in high school. He would become my on again, off again paramour as  he cycled through my friends and practically anyone he met. He changed the course of my life. It has taken years to get over him. It’s funny, I actually  met him at a club on Halloween. He hasn’t changed. But I have.