My Past and How I Want to Overcome It

I have a past. I mean, we all do don’t we? My past feels extensive, packed to full with memories that bring tears and laughter. But I would like to dwell a little bit less on the past, more on the future since it seems so bright now. Here are some things I meditate on. The ones with the negative sign are the ones I’d like to heal from and put behind me at least for now. The ones with the plus sign are either bittersweet or positive, ones I’d like to tuck behind me for a rainy day,

When Bryan (my boyfriend at the time) made me an entire Thanksgiving dinner because I had been in the hospital for Thanksgiving and never got to enjoy stuffing that didn’t taste like sadness (+)

Our Friendsgiving celebration sophomore year when my roommate Samantha gave me a gorgeous poster of Winnie the Pooh and his friends (+)

Seeing my best friend Alice on the first day of college (+)

When my best friend Derrick took out a directive no contact (school issued restraining order) against me because he said I was “violent” (-)

My misadventures on the psych ward (this could go either way because honestly sometimes I had nice memories on the psych ward like playing cards or scattergories. Not at St. Vincent’s but New York Presbyterian was okay)

My ex Mark (--- —-- —-- ) (triple negative)

My ex Jason (------ drug dealer)

Halloween 2015 when Derrick started eating Victoria’s costume (+ hilarious)

Derrick’s family (+ + +)

My experience with the 2016 election

My sexual assault at 14 (----)

Vomiting blood (------ kind of terrifying)

My alcohold problem (-------- another kind of terrifying)

Switching schools because of bullying (---)

My experience with —-- (+ this one is my secret)

“Christmas on the closed ward” (---- being in the hospital for Christmas really sucked)

Seeing my name at the top of the cast list in seventh grade (+ I had gotten the lead)

Breaking up with my second Jason (----- I have dated two)

—-- ‘s abuse (-----)

How I hurt — (-----)

How I hurt —- (-------)

How I hurt my current boyfriend (----- wow I’ve hurt alot of people)

Susie’s (my cats) licks and cuddles (this is bittersweet)

Youth group camping trip (+)

—- (---- yet another ex)