On the Death of a Pet

When I was eleven my parents brought home two young cats. They weren’t kittens but the cat equivalent of toddlers. The black one we named Scout; the tabby was Susie. I loved my cats more than anything. Just a glimpse of them could lift my mood and trust me, I needed that over the years. Cats didn’t get mad at you for your adolescent mistakes. They loved you loyally and fiercely. Scout used to squeak before he lost his hearing. Susie loved to lick to the point it was a little ridiculous. I spent over half my life with these cats and then in the fall of 2022 we went on vacation.

My brother (who lives in Boston now) actually managed to join us in a huge Vrbo house right on the lake. Susie had been sick so my aunt actually stayed at our house to keep an eye on her. Towards the end of our vacation my dad sat us all down and broke the news Susie passed away. I think I was in shock because I didn’t cry. Not then anyway. I did a large amount of crying when we got back from vacation. When she wasn’t there to greet us with her cheerful meow, her licks, the way she  monopolized our laps. But the worst part was seeing Scout. To this day Scout still roams the house, looking for his sister. He checks out all her old haunts especially my mom’s closet and cries when she isn’t there.

Now Scout is between twenty and twenty one and the vet has said to make him comfortable. He limps on the stairs and sleeps all the time, though he will go on a walk around the house. He used to be frisky and stalk butterflies. Now  he just watches them fly by with (maybe?) a new appreciation for beauty. I know once Scout passes I will feel the crushing blow of both my beloved cats gone for good.

My dad says if God lets every sparrow into heaven (as it reads in the BIble) then surely Susie is waiting for us in heaven, to greet, to lick, to curl up on our laps or even share our laps with her brother. The thought is comforting but the pain is sharp.

Here are some things you can do if you suffer the loss of a pet whether it be a dog, cat or even a fish. Pets are pets and they hold something for all of us,

• Celebrate your pet. Maybe write out a list of things you loved about your pet or specific memories. I remember the first time Susie crawled into my lap. I was trying to look up words in a dictionary for my homework and then copy them into the notebook (I was eleven) and Susie would not be deterred. She nudged the big book aside, climbed on top of it and settled in.

• Keep in mind different people grieve differently. I know my whole family was upset by Susie’s death but we didn’t really sit around discussing it. The Vrbo property was large and we all kind of scattered to different parts of it. I went onto the dock and looked out on the lake where the view gave me perspective and the fading sun reminded me of God who taken Susie and would now make sure she was comfortable.

• Talk about your loss….when your ready. I texted my boyfriend once I heard about Susie and he called me. But I didn’t really want to talk to anyone. I just kind of wanted to be alone with my thoughts and memories. Later the thoughts would become words and I would say these words to the people I trusted and were close to. But it is more than okay if you don’t feel like talking right away. You need to digest the news.

• Don’t feel the need to replace your pet. As soon as someone’s dog/ cat dies some people pop in with “So are you going to get another one”. This is well meaning but also a little insensitive. No other animal can replace the particular bond you had with your pet. Every animal is different and you can’t go trying to recreate the past. It’s not fair to you or your new pet who (odds are) will be nothing like your old one. Doesn’t mean you can’t love a new pet eventually. Just don’t expect a quick fix.

• It is okay to get a new pet when you are ready. It is not disloyal to your old pet just as it would not be disloyal to remarry after your first marriage ended. Nonetheless, it would not surprising if this inspired uncomfortable feelings. That’s why its better to wait to your ready. Several people have suggested getting another kitten to keep Scout company but we don’t want to unsettle Scout. Even if we were ready, I don’t think he will ever be ready. 

Someday we will lose Scout. I don’t know when and I don’t like thinking about it. But him and Susie I will always treasure in my heart. If  you have a pet, I know you feel the same.