One Last Handful of Gretchen Rubin's Advice

• “This New Year consider making a “ta-da” list”

A “ta-da” is where you list all your accomplishments over the previous 12 months. As an example, she listed “having a hard conversation” which opens a whole new door to difficult things I’ve done. Just yesterday a friend asked if she could come over and I had to tell her I needed to limit my socialization. My friend was more than understanding but it usually very hard for me to say no. However, I’ve been busy with social obligations every day this week and got a party tonight to gear up for. There. The first item on my “ta-da list”

• Abstract resolutions are harder to keep or measure……instead resolve to take specific, measurable goals. 

I had this vague goal to “read more” Now that I have two book journals given to me by my generous cousins I can track my reading. I had a goal to read 100 books per year but since I’ve gotten more specific (reading seven books a month. And yes I know that doesn’t add up to 100 but I’m trying to be more specific hear). Instead of saying “I’ll write more poetry”  I made a goal to write four poems a week. Instead of saying “I’ll practice more piano” I am going to time myself and make sure I clock 45 minutes a day.

• Reach out in writing

I had a friend I was extremely close to until she suffered a severe tragedy. We don’t go out anymore because I’m giving her space but I plan to reach out and offer dinner with her boyfriend and one of her other friends she is close to. Maybe she’ll feel safe enough to say yes because I really miss her. 

• Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

I think this is self explanatory

• If she is unsure, Gretchen writes an email to herself about the situation and reads it a week later.

I think this is brilliance, especially for someone like me who has a history of impulsive decisions. In college one of the biggest mistakes I made my junior year was doing costumes for the school play. I knew nothing about ironing and I had never assisted with a quick change before. I also didn’t have t he time to devote to the play to begin with because I was trying to do all my other activities, start a relationship with a new guy and try to keep up with my school work. Maybe if I hadn’t been manic, I would have seen what a bad idea that was. Maybe if I had taken Gretchen’s advice I could have excused myself from the show. In the end, the pressure on me was definitely one of the deciding factors when I tried to end my life.

• “Things often get harder before things get easier”

The times that I’ve been hospitalized stand out as the worst weeks of my life. I was very homesick, for my parents, for my school, for my friend and his family, and for my boyfriend. It’s funny, you are surrounded by suffering souls and impatient nurses and no one seems to offer you comfort (with few exceptions. At NYPH I did make some “friends” during my time there. I’m still in contact with one. I’m really proud of how far she has become). There’s the dirty showers, the lack of privacy, and the endless hours with nothing to do. The highlight? A ten minute stroll outside. But I did recover after every hospitalization. Maybe one day I can recover on my own.

• Write every day

I try.  I do. It is a rare day that I don’t pick up a pen or open up Google Docs. I remember starting my first diary at age eight. I was drunk with power. I could write whatever I wanted and no one would read it. And I was honest. Maybe a little too honest. Sometimes I read it and flinch at my honesty. Mostly I wrote about a delusion that kept me occupied when I was young. Eight is young to have delusions but with bipolar disorder it’s not unheard of. I was a very high strung eight year old but I like to think my writing was a way I could feel protected. Writing is magic that way.

• Good ideas usually come during the revision process.

I was going through a book I wrote (and may one day see the light of day, though not any time soon) and an idea hit me. This book would be so much better in diary form. In fact, it was barely holding itself together as it was. This epiphany saved the book.

• “Don’t hesitate to praise people who get alot of praise already”

I find this piece of advice interesting. And I hope it’s true. This happens alot at poetry slams. The winners will get mobbed or the brave girl who read her first poem. Sometimes I think I should just leave because they’ve collected so much praise already, why do they need mine? But thinking about it, it makes sense. When I do well in a slam and I hear warm, sincere praise it is the best feeling in the world. I don’t think I could ever get tired of hearing more.

• “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall”

My favorite season is fall. It’s not just because of my birthday. It’s the leaves, the pumpkins, the Halloween costumes (although i’m neurotic as hell about picking one out), the scent of wood burning stoves. Its scary movie marathons, haunted houses, fuzzy socks and making room for Christmas season. It’s kicking summer mania, it’s too early for OCD attacks, its a time that is usually good for my mental health. And for me that’s truly a restart.