Pieces of Advice from Sam Bennett's "Start Right Where You Are" Part One

After Gretchen Rubin, my favorite self-help author would have to be Sam Bennett. She is the author of a number of books including The 15 Minute Method which really helps me get things done. Today I’m going to share with you my favorite bits of advice from her book Start Right Where You Are.

• “Feeling overwhelmed is a choice” 

When I first read this I wanted to protest. Until I thought a little more. I am the one undertaking all these projects and commitments because I like to feel busy. I’ve been this way since middle school. And all the while I complain I am feeling overwhelmed because I’ve bit off more than I can chew when more often than not I wouldn’t have it any other way.

• “Quit complaining” 

It is really only when I’m with Justin, my boyfriend, that I realize how much I complain because he almost never does. An eternal optimist, he patiently listens to my common complaints (“My stomach hurts” “My OCD is bad” “I feel sad and don’t know why”) without offering any of his own or diminishing mine. I am trying to complain less. I tried to go a weekend without complaining and I was startled at how much I did.

• “Taking care of yourself is selfish. In fact,  it’s the opposite of selfish”

I am so excited to announce I am going to a  spa this weekend. I have never been to a spa before. When I was a little girl my grandma promised she’d treat me to a spa day when I was older. My grandma passed when I was twelve which broke my heart. Finally. I will get to see what a spa day is all about. I’m getting a deep tissue massage and a facial in addition to all the pools and amenities. Oh and it’s a nude spa so that’ll be interesting.

• “Neglecting yourself is a luxury you can’t afford”

My freshmen year I was running myself ragged trying to keep up with my social, academic and extracurricular activities as well as a party lifestyle and a very active sex life. I neglected my room- it was always a mess (I had no roommate). I kept forgetting to change the sheets on my bed. I left laundry till the last minute. I did keep up on basic hygiene at least. Finally, I drank alot at a Halloween party. The next morning I was bedridden with the worst hangover I think I ever had. I was so sick I had tremors and couldn’t attend that night’s party which I had been planning on going to but when I couldn’t even get out of bed I realized that was not going to happen. My RA even called an ambulance when I got sweaty and borderline delirious. My parents came down fromm New York to make sure I was okay. Suffice to say, they were not happy with the state of my body or my room.

• “Consume news consciously”

I have to filter news very carefully. I am liable to get somewhat enraged by the garbage certain news organizations put out. I won’t consume any news after dinner. I also only discuss news with a selective number of people including my parents, Justin and one or two of my close friends. 

• “Quit Playing Overwhelmed Poker”

Overwhelmed poker (well named) is when people compete to see which of them is the busiest, the most overwhelmed. This was a popular game in college. When I look back at my planner, I don’t think it would be possible for anyone to be as busy as I was. Junior year I finally hit my wall when I started doing costumes for the school play. There is such a thing as being too busy..

• “Have a frank conversation with your inner, wise self about one of your half done projects”

I am defined by my half finished projects particularly in September- December as I race to complete presents for Christmas. Some projects will never see completion though. My whole child was marked by incompleted projects fueled by manic energy that were abandoned

• “Not every moment in your life has to be a testament to your niceness”

I’m the girl people go to with their problems. I should be flattered: I was in school to be a counselor after all. I’m fairly good at handling other people’s problems especially when it relates to relationships or mental illness. But I can’t be nice all the time. It isn’t possible and sometimes I find myself snapping at my friends after being “too nice” for “too long”

• “Too much unstructured time can be stressful and depressing”

Since I’m not working or in school, people might get the impression that I don’t have very much to do. That would be incorrect. I’m working on several WIP (works in progress), I go to the gym every day and I’m an avid reader plus I knit and play piano. Not to mention I maintain this awesome  blog. Every morning I type up what I want to complete for the day- which projects to write or edit, which books to read, which Christmas presents to work on, which poems to practice for an upcoming slam. I try to squeeze in as much to every day as possible without being overwhelmed. 

• “It’s not so much that the pain is so bad as it is the conviction that it will never end”

Bipolar disorder has tricked me a few times. I woke in the morning feeling like there was a cinderblock on my heart. This cinderblock weighed me down for a day, several days, weeks. My depressive episodes leave harsh scars across me. I am firmly convinced the sadness will never end or abate. Several times I have considered suicide. Since we have lost faith in the mental health system, my parents keep suicide watch  at home. My mom watches me shower. I sleep in the same bed as my mom. One  parent always keeps an eye on me. In the last few years I seem more prone to mania than depression but if I’m manic long enough I can become suicidal anyway…as was proved when I was 21.

• “We get a hit of dopamine even if it’s just from responding to a message/text”

I’m usually in the middle of several conversations. Not to brag but I’m a pretty popular person. But that was more important to me in middle school where I’d text ten people at a time (bonus points if it was a boy). 

• “That’s not my story”

Sam Bennett explains how she uses this “refrain” to carve her own narrative. Me personally I use it in following context: “It’s too hard to lose weight” “That’s not my story. I’ve done it before” “You’ll never be independent enough to live alone” “That’s not my story” “Story of Hope will never be published” “That’s not  my story”