Profiles in Mental Health Courage

Two weeks ago at the library I thought I had capped my amount of books for the visit when my dad came up to me, book in hand. “Here, you might like this” It was a book called Profiles in Mental Health Courage and it drew my attention immediately. Its a book by Patrick J. Kennedy and Stephen Fried who profile twelve individuals and families on their struggle with mental illness and addiction or sometimes both. I read the whole book as soon as I could and when you’re as busy as I am that took two weeks. I  want to share you some profiles from the book so I took the five profiles that I resonated with the most and here I share my stories- and a bit of theirs too. 

1. Henry Platt. Like me, Henry’s behavior worsened when he went for college. He had depression and was helped by a very clsoe friend Hannah who would sometimes stay up nights so he wouldn’t hurt himself. I don’t think I would have made it through college without my friends Emily, Brandon, Brianna and Tristan as well as Tristan’s entire family. I felt pressure to go to parties long after I gave up drinking. And then once I got there I felt very self- conscious even though there was probably no reason to be. At college I was in no way affected by suicide. But a year later, less than a year after I had attempted suicide I discovered a former friends with benefits had committed suicide. I had never gotten to say a proper goodbye. And I was left with so many unanswered questions that I felt I didn’t deserve the answers for because I wasn’t important enough to even be informed in the first place.

2. Gabrielle Anwar has bipolar disorder as do I. However, she has extreme rages where she physically lashes out her mother, her husband, anyone who can take the brunt of her anger. Growing up I’ve had had fits of fury. I don’t think I would ever put my hands on another human being. When my former best friend said I was “violent” it broke my heart. But I have been known to lose my temper. One time  I threw a dish of broccoli across the room, the dish shattering against the kitchen wall. Another time when I was in the hospital I punched a cinderblock wall and had to sit through a lecture of appropriate ways of expressing my feelings. 

3. Justin Maffett had a conglomerate of hallucinations convinced he had to warn the President. Fortunately my hallucinations never got me all the way to the White House (or thrown in jail) but my sophomore year I remember calling my dad after class and telling him “You and Mom are safe from the voices. They told me so” It turned out in class I had written a two page letter to my ex best friend that I never saw which was part apology, part venting for something I never did. I also wrote a list of the things the voices were going to take (my reputation, my freedom, my sanity, ultimately my life), and who in what order. I got through that psychotic spell only to barely survive another one months later when the same voices convinced me to cut my wrists. 

4. Cousin Harry was the author’s cousin who committed suicide. The day I tried started like any other day. I walked back and forth in an deserted hallway listening to Alone by Alan Walker. Even today the song makes me feel kind of weird. I finally went back to my place. My friends parents were there to take me out to dinner but I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I slit my wrists. I  have blotchy memories after that but I remember being mistreated by the ER staff who were really too busy and frustrated to deal with me.. The police and paramedics had been gentle and understanding though. I was grateful. I was terrified. Because part of me didn’t want to die. This was what the voices orchestrated not me. 

5. Bob is a manic depressive. That is a former word for bipolar patients. He was a journalist and a talented one. Unfortunately his condition made it very hard for him to have a career. I chased jobs like the press chase police before realizing I couldn’t handle retail, sales or any customer service jobs. Right now I’m training to be a peer specialist. I’m hoping that helping others like me will help it work out somehow. 

If you have an illness (a mental illness or an addiction or more commonly both. I’ve fought my battles with alcohol) I recommend this book alot. Even if you don’t have them I recommend this book so you can help others - because you will encounter someone with these problems sooner or later….if you don’t develop them in yourself.