Self Values

Book: The 100 Most Important Questions You Will Ever Ask Yourself That Make Life Work for You

We all have values. Our values are what guide our decisions, make our choices for us and help us stay on track. Without values we’d live very chaotic lives without any principles to stand on. We wouldn’t accomplish much, we’d have trouble sustaining relationships and we’d often be unhappy with ourselves. Here I selected ten values out of 21 (which was not easy because I kind of want to circle every value). However, here are the ones most important to me.

1. Self-respect. I take this value seriously because I didn’t always have it. Going to bed with every guy that asked (that’s not exactly what I did. Some hyperbole here) does not exemplify self respect. As somebody once said (yeah, I don’t remember who) I am not a merry go round on which everybody can take a ride. Some people actually think that because I have big boobs I am open for business. Not so.

2. Respect for nature and the environment. We only have one earth. It is our job to make the most of it (even if we do eventually end up living on Mars)

3. Respect for others

4. Freedom. I take this very seriously because when I was hospital I was deprived of one of the most important things: freedom. My activities were basically limited to writing, coloring and watching Law and Order SVU (great show, don’t get me wrong but that’s not the point here). I was told what time I could shower, what time I could go outside (and that’s if they decided we could go outside) and what time to eat. What time to take meds, what time to get blood work, what meds to take, how long I could talk on the phone, when to go to bed. I like to be in charge of my own routine and would try to adapt. But some of these rules really didn’t work for me. I hate 8 am showers. I hate getting up at six to have a needle in my arm. And five pm dinner was just weird because I was hungry again by bedtime.

5. Love

6. Acceptance and tolerance. I know how important it is to feel accepted. I make an effort to accept those ‘different’ from me. I don’t agree with alot of people on alot of issues but I make an effort to accept those differences. I’ve made a promise to myself to not judge people different from me. Because one day I might need that curtesy extended to me.

7. Compassion

8. Knowing yourself. I know myself very well. I  think it’s because I journal every day and write so much about myself (like I’m an endless fascinating topic). I know what I’m comfortable with and what I won’t be comfortable with. When someone proposes something I’m not down with I get this squirmy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Whereas if it’s something I’m good with I will charge forward with no qualms. Like I said I know myself very well. If that means having a Winnie the Pooh henna on your wrist, then yep I know myself well.

9. Trusting yourself. I haven’t always trusted myself. In the past I have made mistakes. I  have lied to my parents. I have cheated on my boyfriends. I have hurt myself physically. I am proud to say I haven’t done any of that in quite a while. To be honest with others, you have to be honest with yourself. I have to trust myself I won’t do something stupid. And you know what? I don’t think I will. 

10. Living according to your own values. Just as I extend acceptance and tolerance for others, I expect my friends to respect my own values. I live according to strict sobriety. I don’t drink not even a beer or two to lighten up or have fun. My friends are really good about this, always providing me with non alcoholic beverages and making sure I never feel left out. I don’t talk about politics or current events with most of my friends and they are okay with that. I also value our brave police officers even though in this age everyone seems to hate them. My dad was part of the NYPD. He’s a good person. Many police officers are.

Here are the values I didn’t circle. Which ones speak to you?

1. Dignity

2. Equality

3. Connectedness to others or interdependence

4. Autonomy or independence

5. Standing up, speaking out or fighting for what’s right

6. Playfulness

7. Peacefulness

8. Serenity

9. Wisdom

10. Others of your own?

(100 Most Important Questions You Ever Ask Yourself that Make Life Work For You)