Statistics

Tragedies manifest in two ways: news stories and then statistics. I just read a woman jumped off the local cliffs near me. The sad thing is her name will be in the paper for several days and then she will fade to a statistic, remembered only by her family and friends who will visit her grave on her birthday with flowers anything to make something so ugly as suicide a little prettier. Every day I am glad I survived my attempt on my life. Every day I am glad I am graced to walk the Earth because if my friends parents hadn't been there, if the razor had been sharper, if I knew how to cut correctly, if I had taken pills instead…this could have ended so differently. I could have been a statistic. 

Here are some sobering facts from https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/

• Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States

• Firearms are the most leading cause of death by suicide

• The next most common method was suffocation which includes hanging. I could never rig up a noose so that was never an option for me

• The third most common were drug overdoses. Although I only attempted suicide once, there was another occcassion where I swallowed a bunch of benzos. My dad had to pry my mouth open and half digested pills fell all over the Monopoly board which we had been playing because I wasn’t feeling safe. The very thought of scaring my dad like that makes me want to cry.

Here are more facts from https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html

• 1 death by suicide every eleven minutes. There is a suicide every time I time myself working on a short story.

• 3.7 million adults made a plan for suicide. When I first seriously started considering suicide my plans always involved pills. But I never thought I could go through with it because I’d have to wait for the pills to kick in. I’d have to wait to die. I couldn’t think of anything more scary. When I did go through with the attempt I slit my wrists. Obviously that did not work. 

Here are some final facts from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide:

• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among individuals 25-34 as well as 10-14. 10-14 seems a little young to be thinking about suicide. I first became conscious of suicide when my OCD tried to convince myself that I would kill  myself if I didn’t do certain things, ask certain questions, perform certain rituals. Suicide is terrifying at any age but eleven? I was petrified but too afraid to voice it to my parents until they took me to a psychiatrist who quickly diagnosed me. 

• Men commit suicide more than women do. About half a year after I attempted suicide, a friend of mine succeeded. We were actually more than friends at one point. We bonded over the fact that my dad was a police officer and Ryan was training to be one. When I found out he had killed himself, I felt like someone had sliced out my spleen. I once wrote in my diary that I couldn’t give a physical part of myself without giving an emotional part. Ryan was  proof of that.

  
  

I know suicide is a grim way to start the week but I just want you to know you do not have to become a statistic. Please seek help. If its urgent check yourself into a nearest hospital, talk to your doctor , call the suicide hot line number (988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline). Do anything you can to protect yourself. You belong here. I promise you.

This week I'm doing a theme week. Each day will be focusing on the statistics regarding something different. I would also love your questions, comments and feedback. I'm trying to have a dialogue with my readers and after and half years that definitely hasn't happened. Please tell me what you'd like to see covered. I'd love to know what you think.