The Benefits of Nostalgia (According to JustGirlProject)

I am the queen of nostalgia. Nostalgia is defined by the dictionary as a “sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for periods or places with happy personal associations” This is interesting because the times I am nostalgic for aren’t necessarily happy times. In fact, some of the times I was going through hell. Anyway here’s what Just Girl Project had to say: 

• We experience nostalgia more often during times of sadness or transition

Every time I was in the hospital was a period of transition. Not only are there med changes but your entire life is in upheaval). After my first hospitalization, I stayed with my friend’s family for a few weeks to finish out the semester. After my second hospitalization, I went on medical leave (very unwillingly). After my third hospitalization, I knew I had to drop out of college. After my fifth hospitalization, I quit my job. After my sixth hospitalization, well, after that one I realized how nice the other ones were. But throughout all of them I felt myself reflecting on nicer times, which usually meant my freshmen year of college before I went inpatient.

• It provides emotional comfort. 

Thinking back to the parties and the frisbee and volleyball and ordering eggs in the student cafeteria while the sun was still drowsy, it all put a smile on my face. However it wasn’t always comforting especially when I realized I would never experience that again.

• It helps us to feel connected to our past selves.

I feel very badly for College  Leigh. I was trying to keep up appearances but that was as futile as cupping water in your palms. I was so scared I’d be sent to a hospital. The only fear bigger than that is that there was something “bad” inside me that would kill me. In the end it almost did. That is not a past self I really want to be connected to.

• It fights loneliness

I don’t know about this. Sometimes when I look back with my nostalgia glasses it is all the more painful because I had made some incredible friends when I was at Scranton. I barely maintained any of these friendships and several have blocked me even though I’m not sure why. That only makes me worry that one day I’ll lose the amazing friends I have today. I don’t  like the feeling that people can come and go so easily.

• It makes us more optimistic, inspired and creative

I don’t know if it makes us more optimistic. But it does inspire me to document these memories so I will never forget them. Because the only thing more painful than remembering them would be forgetting them entirely.

• It can help us put our present into perspective, feel more hopeful about what’s next

I agree with this. Now that I’m in a better place I can see that I might have been romanticizing the past and how wonderful it was. Don’t get me wrong, my college friends were truly amazing and I made many wonderful memories. But I was dealing with powerful demons and a dependence on alcohol. This is the best way it could have turned out.