Things I'm Glad I Did vs. Things I Wish I Hadn't

I don’t really believe in regrets. It’s not my style, unless I really have hurt someone I’ve loved. But we all make mistakes. They are part of life. Here are some of the few I do regret along with some choices I really glad  I made.

2011 Decision I’m Glad I’ve Made: Going to homecoming with a junior as an eighth grader

When I was in eighth grade I was one of the few to have a date to homecoming. We danced together (even slow danced) but we went only as friends. There was a rumor I was up for homecoming princess (each grade got a homecoming princess) as a joke (ha ha, right) but I didn’t win much to my relief. I felt beautiful in a off the shoulder dress that was shiny with gold and silver sequined strips. It clung to my curves. I felt like Cinderella. Every girl deserves a night like that.

2011 Decision I Wish I Haven’t Made: The talent show. I participated in the middle school talent show, doing classics I had played most of my life. But when I got to high school I auditioned for the talent show playing and singing “I Dreamed A Dream” by Les Miserables. I practiced soooo hard for that show. I auditioned and got in. I sang that song every time I was in the shower, every time my fingers touched the keys. But when I finally got onstage (well technically in the orchestra pit) on the big night, I froze. I missed keys, my voice seized in my throat and I was too nervous to hit the notes. I almost ran out of there. It was humiliating. Luckily, the next few times I approached onstage I didn’t have the same anxiety.

2012 Decision I’m Glad I’ve Made: Joined debate team as a judge. I knew my new school, Academy of the Holy Angels, had a debate team but when I approached the teacher that ran it she told me I was too late to sign up as a debater plus I would need money for books (which actually were kind of costly). She did say they were taking people to be judges and that intrigued me. I went to a judges clinic and was trained by the upperclassmen on how to fill out a ballot and judge between two competing schools. I started judging actual debates and I judged all four years of high school. Senior year I was captain of the judging team so I trained the new judges. I helped out when our school hosted debates. It was one of the most enjoyable thing about high school.

2012 Decision I Wish I Hadn’t Made: Gotten a Facebook. Technically I didn’t make my own Facebook, my toxic friends made it for me mostly because I didn’t have a cell phone and they wanted to stay in touch with me. But it only got me into trouble because I got hooked on Facebook. I was obsessed with “talking” to boys, usually 3-5 at the same time. I posted every little feeling I had which is humiliating to look at now. There is even a video I posted of myself in a manic state, evidence that I exhibited symptoms of bipolar disorder at least as early as 15 years old.

2013 Decision I’m Glad I Made: Going on a youth group camping trip. I had some great friends in youth group. I also had some people I wasn’t too fond of. Some of this were due to misunderstandings. Some of this was just because one or two of them were rude to me (and I honestly never figured out why). Initially I wasn’t thrilled about the camping trip because my closest youth group friends weren’t going. Not only that but several people who did go sometimes said things that made me feel like an idiot. However, I had a blast. It wasn’t just the alcohol (yes we smuggled some) but the hike to the Deleware river, playing chicken in the pool and air hockey in  the arcade. Making smores in the evening and bacon in the morning. Usually my shoes as a pillow as I fell asleep in the tent. I came home feeling alot closer to everyone and alot better about myself.

2013 Decision I Wish I Didn’t Make: The summer of the camping trip I was dating a guy that I constantly thought would break up with me (he eventually did and I didn’t really care). In hindsight, I really think he only dated me to be with me sexually. The first day he asked me out he invited me over to a family barbeque. I was thrilled to be asked to meet the family so soon but as soon as I got there, he whisked me up to his room and hiked up my dress to give him access. The entire summer was him pressuring me, asking him to give him handjobs while his grandma was in the next room. Literally. Hell, I could see her! When he saw I wasn’t going to budge he broke up with me. My regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.