Times I Surprised Myself (in a good way)

Times I Surprised Myself:

• In college I wrote for the paper. That is not the surprise. The surprise is that I chose to interview a guy who didn’t really like me but he was passionate about the article’s subject matter. When our article made the front page he texted me “Hey! We made the front page!” We. One thing turned into another and this once enemy became my lover. Unfortunately, he was going through alot and took his own life. I put this surprise first in honor of his memory

• Working three summers with three year olds at Sunrise Day Camp. Sunrise Day Camp is an amazing place. It’s a camp for kids with cancer. While I worked there I encountered sick kids, disabled kids, abused kids, neglected kids but ultimately just kids who deserved a summer of fun which I worked to provide.

• Being mature about the whole “Samantha” thing. I often speak about Samantha, my former roommate who backstabbed me. She still remained friends with our mutual friend, who was probably the most important person to me. Still I never told our mutual friend what Samantha did because I knew I was an unreliable narrator (I had been hospitalized for delusions and paranoia) and because I knew I would come off looking like the bad guy. Eventually my friend realized Samantha was toxic on her own with my assistance and I’m so glad I didn’t say anything. 

• How well I hosted my first slam

• Taking things slowly with Justin. Usually with men, I race into it, fall head over heels, act desperate, go by leaps and bounds. With Justin we were both very cautious and it proved to work because here we are over three years later and we are still together.

• My watercolor cacti. Right before Covid hit, I took a watercolors class and the excellent teacher (who went out of  business) showed me how to paint watercolors of the two cacti on her desk. They  are so good, my parents were both shocked because my watercolor paints were usually blurry and runny. I have it hanging above my bed. 

• Keeping my sobriety by drinking nonalcoholic beer, nonalchohlic wine and Bloody Mary Mixes (I mix it with water). The taste of an “alcoholic” drink tricks me out of wanting actual alcohol. I will say it always gets easier with time. One day at a time.

• Surviving six stays in the mental hospital. The majority of my stays weren’t so bad. I was at one of the best institutions in the world and they finally managed to diagnose me correctly and set me up with a great psychiatrist. The second hospital was dirty, disgusting, and I felt unsafe. It was one of the worst and most difficult weeks of my life,

• Winning four poetry slams

• Maintaining friendships with my two best friends, who are exes. When they first broke up I was worried I’d have to chose sides. But neither of them made me chose a side. Now they are both dating other wonderful people and I’m friends with all of them!

• That I really like crafts like Diamond Art. I didn’t think I’d like something that require such precision and repetition but it is very soothing and satisfying. 

• How strong my faith in God is

• How strong my bond with my little cousin is (I’m her confirmation sponsor)

• My resilience 

• Successfully setting up a book club

• Getting paid to do freelance work

• Covering the presidential debates (of 2016) for my college newspaper. Front page again baby!

• Working to be a peer specialist

• Doing a Tedtalk on OCD in college (I knew there were a lot of misconceptions I had to correct)

• Trying to get through the tough times without using extra medication. This is an important point. It’s fine to use your prescribed medication as needed to get through tough times. But since I’m on so many medications anyway I try to get through the day without popping an extra pills, especially the ones that make me sleepy,

• Losing 45 pounds (I did gain it back but I aim to lose it again)

• Making illustrated poem books

• Did I mention my hat?