Weight Loss

Recently I was going through my old photos, trying to delete some from my drive so I could make room for new emails. My heart ached when I saw the girl from 2017. She had just been put on medication but not enough. I was unhinged but I looked great. I have always had large breasts. Once I got to college and began walking everywhere and playing four sports, I attained the waist and flat stomach I wanted. Check out my Instagram if you don’t believe me. 

I want that back. I’m twenty eight. I want my body back. I want it more than homemade pizza. I want it more than caloric energy drinks. I want it more than sushi and book club snacks and soda. I can’t control this hunger. Because of my bipolar meds I can’t be put on the trendy weight loss drugs. I’ll have to do it all myself fighting against my psych meds which puts me in the perpetual state of starvation. 

So I’m stating it here and now. I am going to lose weight. As soon as I get cleared by doctors I’m going to the gym. I will not get seconds at dinner. I will not order desserts at restaurants. I’m cutting out fried foods and asking for salad.

Nobody should hate their body. Nobody should be ashamed of their bodies. I am not trying to shame anyone who is on the heavy side.. If they are healthy and enjoy their own bodies, I am glad. I hope it stays that way. But I feel that though I gained all this extra weight  (probably about 80-90 pounds) I have lost something very important and that is my self-esteem. If I can get my weight under control, I will have done something I am honestly doubting is possible. People say its about discipline and willpower. I am the girl who hasn’t had alcohol in eight and half years. Got straight As in high school and college. I am determined. I will succeed. Current weight: 193