What I Believe

I decided that since this is the holy time of Lent I should discuss the issue of faith. Most people probably don’t care what I believe but I’m gonna put it here anyway. I usually pray via letter which I write in my God journal. I started my God journal during a vulnerable time when I was fifteen. Since then it has been a place to give thanks to God, confess my sins and offer praise. Sometimes (like when my Aunt Rosemary died) I have raged against God but I know he loves me anyway. God’s love is unconditional. Even a mother’s love isn’t always unconditional (although mine is). My belief system is Christian with a touch of Buddhism thrown in. I do believe in gay marriage and that women should be able to be priests.

When I write, I feel satisfied. Listened to. Like I’ve wrapped my words in an envelope and sent them to heaven. Like God is peering over it, considering my prayers and requests and sending me and my loved ones love and protection. I feel good because not only am I expressing myself, I am thinking outside myself. I try to get a prayer about the world (no more war. No more terrorist attacks). I think it’s good to believe in something. I don’t think it is healthy to be overly cynical honestly. I think we become unpleasant and arrogant because (as a generalization) we think the world views around us when it doesn’t. 

Do I have doubts? Of course I do. Every human does. That’s why it’s called “faith”.  I’ve seen several “miracles” but we all define miracles differently. I think we all have our reasons for believing….or not believing and it is very important to explore those. Just because you believe doesn’t mean bad things can’t happen to you. But I don’t believe that God tests us. I don’t think he’s that kind of God. Yes he is all powerful and all knowing. But he is all loving. And that’s what I believe.