What Makes Me a Woman

There has been alot of discourse of late about the lived experiences of transgender women (biological men transitioning to women) versus cis women (women who were born as biological women). These debates range from who has it harder, who is more of a woman and even what is a woman to begin with. They take place everywhere from the bathrooms/ locker rooms to spas to the basketball courts. I’m not here to weigh in on these discussions. I’m just here to provide the things that (in my own personal opinion) make me a woman. I’m aware this list will be different for everyone, trans or cis.

                                     Things that Make Me a Woman

• Using my boobs as pillows on long car rides

• Playing with different forms of lipstick (even though I hardly ever wear make up. Although I did find a killer shade of purple for last Halloween) 

• Blocking a shot as goalie in a game of soccer

• Getting a massage

• Soaking in a warm bath

• When someone says “Yasssss girl” to one of my comments or lines of poetry

• Being told I look beautiful

• Finding an unexpected gem of a dress when thrifting

• Cutting myself (accidentally!) while shaving my legs

• Running out of tampons at work (though one of my female co workers has a stash of sanitary napkins we can all use. I say this before and will say it again: I have a  group of really nice co workers)

• Sinking a nothing-but-net foul shot

• Picking out a bathing suit (preferably a one piece. I’m not comfortable in a bikini)

• Holding a baby and grieving the fact I will never have one of my own

• Bridal showers and tea parties

• Having Clueless, Mean Girls, Legally Blonde and She’s the Man as some of my favorite movies

• Enjoying when someone holds the door for me (aside from being chivalrous its just a nice thing to do)

• Supporting other women on Youtube

• Being a role model to my younger cousin (she just started college)

• Looking at other role models throughout history (including Katherine of Aragon and Anne Frank)

                 Things That I Don’t Feel Make Me a Woman (they just make me feel like a person)

• Wearing a bra. I’ve worn a bra since I could fill one out (ten years old) but literally anyone could wear a bra, stuff it or get implants. 

• Being harassed about my body or feeling embarrassed about the way I look

• Asking someone out. 

• Drinking mimosas

• Dealing with mental illness. Men (both biological and trans) can definitely have problems with mental illness too

• Being a good person. Anyone can.

• My job

• Being a good friend

• Loving animals 

• Reciting performance poetry

• A big reader

The bottom line is that there are things that make me feel like a woman that have nothing to do with my breasts or my period. Feminine stuff usually but sometimes I feel empowered when I do something either gender could do like defend a goal or score a basket. Just like there are things that don’t make me feel like either gender specifically like a battle with mental illness or being a good person (plenty of men can do that too).I hope all women find a variety of things that make them feel like a woman. Just remember everybody is different. And no one is necessarily wrong.