Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow Part 2

Bob Goff imparts a valuable perspective with his quote “Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later” Goff’s words inspire a sense of openness to the unpredictable and a recognition that the most meaningful moments often reveal themselves in due course.

Yesterday: Thinking back toward your early years, how would you describe the first few chapters of your life?What was the biggest uncertainty you faced that you wish you would have embraced?

I had an ideal childhood. I was raised by loving parents with a brother I could play with. I want to a good school and enjoyed academics especially writing. Once I got to middle school I got the lead in the musical twice. The biggest uncertainty was growing breasts. I was so mortified. I wish I had just rolled with it.

Today: If you were going to start writing a memoir what would be the main topic you focus on regarding your current life? Are you still struggling with uncertainty and if so, what specifically?

Funny because I was struggling and I did write a memoir. I have OCD and bipolar one. It really messes with having a job, family or even finishing college. I have to be on so much medication that it effects everything from tremors to my sex drive.

Tomorrow: Considering Bob Goff’s quote about the beauty of chapters unfolding later, what do you hope those chapters will be fill with?

I hope my books have a good reception. As of now they’ve gotten no notice but I’m not even in my thirties. I hope I marry Justin. I’ve never been with someone this long or loved anyone so much. I want to see more of the world (I’ve only been out of the country twice) and do more stuff (cliff jumping, swimming with manatees). Adventures like that.

There’s a timeless cautionary saying that warns us ‘Be careful who you trust. Salt and sugar look the same’ This metaphor serves as a reminder to exercise caution in judging the true nature of individuals. 

Yesterday: Recall your first experience when someone broke your trust or betrayed you. How did that change you and what did it teach you?

I think the first experience I felt the knife I was fifteen. My best friend, Julianna, turned everyone against me and stole  my boyfriend. I realized  it was just who she was when she did it to other former friends. But the worst part was the email she sent to me about why I was so annoying and  no one wanted to be my friends.

Today: Taking what you’ve learned about trust through time how do you handle situations today when the ability to  trust someone comes into question? What do  you do now you didn’t back then?

I know it takes time to build trust. I had only known Juliana several months. I had not known her long enough to be that intimate with her. Looking back that was a big problem I had during my adolescence. Acquaintances are not instant friends. Don’t trust them with your entire life story.

Tomorrow: Looking ahead is there someone you hope to trust again, or do you hope to trust yourself again in a way? Explain.

I don’t trust myself. I have too many medications and disorders. The person I trust most is my boyfriend Justin. I also trust my psychiatrist. Someday when I learn to navigate these disorders more maybe I can trust myself. But there’s a reason I can’t have a baby. That is trusting the ultimate amount. And I just can’t do that to an innocent child.

Buddha’s profound words serve as a gentle reminder of the importance of living in the moment. “The past is already gone; the future is not here yet. There’s only one moment for you to live”

Yesterday: Do you dwell on your past too much? Are you living in the rearview mirror or do you just revisit from time to time? Describe your relationship with your yesterdays?

I have a very snug relationship with my yesterdays. I have always tended to romanticize the past even my sophomore year at Scranton when I was clinically depressed and hospitalized twice. I always say Scranton was my happy place but was it really? I definitely felt like I belonged at Scranton more than anywhere else. Until now.

Today: It’s beneficial to live in the present and all that is happening around you. Do you struggle with being present and if so, why?

Sometimes. I have alot of anxiety (I have several disorders) but I’m getting alot better at shoving worries to the back of my mind. Sometimes i can pause, enjoy life and think ‘this is so nice’ I appreciate the little things more: food, books, socks, the softness of my bed, Scout, the easyness of  knitting.

Tomorrow: Does the future make you excited, apprehensive or uncertain? 

Usually I try not to think about the future unless I’m planning something like a party or a vacation. The future does stress me out especially when I have to think about what to wear, who will be there, and a million other details. I don’t always like thinking about good things because then I start worrying about all the things that could go wrong and then I become neurotic.