100% Happiness E Part 1

                                                        Emotion

What are the physical systems you feel? Heart racing, stomach queasy, headache

Where do you feel them in your body?

When I have a panic attack I am usually aware it is a panic attack but sometimes it still feels like I am dying. My heart races, sometimes I can’t breathe and sometimes I burst into tears. Sometimes I feel like I’ll throw up.

What exact words can you use to describe how you feel at any given moment?

“Panicked” “overwhelmed” “depressed” "exhilarated" “anxious” “optimistic” “pleased” “at peace” “relaxed” “heartbroken”

Can you identify if, in what you feel, several emotions are mixed up together?

Sometimes I get sad and angry at the same time like when Derrick said “Jesus Christ, I’m not your fucking therapist” What a cruel thing to say. Still makes me mad actually.

What would happen if you looked at the emotion you are experiencing, as if you were an outsider looking in?

I usually can calm myself down.  I would probably not understand why I get so emotional as I do. But I do have a  million little triggers.

In that circumstance, what would you need?

I would need to look at the situation objectively. Not through OCD lens or bipolar reasoning but calmly and rational.

Does this emotion remind you of something that happened in your childhood? Or to people in your past?

It (the thing Derrick said to me) reminded me of all the people I thought cared about me and were just lying. Derrick was my best friend. I felt betrayed.

                                                                            Empathy

With whom do you sometimes lack empathy?

• My parents

• My friends

• Other (my brother)

Sometimes my friends annoy me because I feel they don’t have the same perspective on life I do. I have been raped. I tried to commit suicide (bipolar). I’ve been in abusive relationships. Sometimes I feel like they can’t relate.

What would you gain by talking to them with more empathy?

I could also gain more perspective because I’m sure they have difficulties I’m not aware of either. Even if it isn’t illness they might have family problems or a difficult job. It’s my job to be there for them.

                                                                  Energy

What activities give you energy?

Journaling, watching Youtube, writing poetry, writing short stories, making presents for people, reading, knitting, drinking coffee, socializing (sometimes), collaging, listening to music.

What zaps your energy?

Getting up early, my medication, socializing (sometimes), work (sometimes), playing games at night, drama, conflict, when my blood sugar dips, traffic, family functions (sometimes), overeating, my period, panic attacks.