A Tiny Diary for Not-So-Tiny Secrets Part 2

Another week, another batch of secrets!

Date: 2016

I wasn’t over Person A when I dated Person B. I probably wasn’t over Person A when I dated Person C. In some ways I unconsciously used Person C to get over Person A and when Person D caught my eye I hung Person C out to dry. I am not proud of the way I treated any of these people. When you are in a chaotic, neurotic place you just shouldn’t date. I usually haven’t taken my own advice because I’ve dated alot. 

Date: 2017

This ones a little embarrassing but I used to be very possessive of my friends especially when I was younger. I would hate if they had friends other than me. Sometimes I’d even ask them not to hang out with other friends. When I think of it now I physically cringe! I was so controlling! Ever since my suicide attempt I haven’t been like that at all. I recognize a thing called perspective and realize other people don’t belong to me. 

Date: 2017

I was in love with Person D’s younger brother who was my best friend (Derrick). I had a crush on Person D but I was unaware I was actually in love with his brother. He actually makes frequent appearances in my dream but we haven’t talked since before co-vid and I don’t plan on talking to him ever again.

Date: 2017

Person B was terrifying when he got angry. He could be pleasant or even sweet but if he smoked pot, took Xanax and got drunk all at once (which he did on several occasions) he got scary. He did things like lock me naked out of his room in front of his friends. He was verbally abusive calling me “fucked up” and “fucking stupid”. He whistled at other girls in front of me. I can’t repeat what he said to me when I broke up with him (via phone because I was scared he’d hurt me).

Date: 2017

I’d get giant frozen coffees from Dunkin and then stay up until dawn talking to literally anyone on Facebook which weirded some people out (if someone I barely knew texted me at 3 am I’d be weirded out too). Sometimes  I’d cheat on Person E. It was caffeine and mania but i hadn’t been diagnosed as bipolar yet. But believe me being diagnosed did not stop me from doing stupid stuff. As you will see.