What is Out This October
The Fire Challenge I’m not a fan of internet challenges. They are either stupid at best or dangerous at worst. And the fire challenge is probably the worst its gotten. The fire challenge is kind of what it sounds like: you light yourself on fire (which I think is a cry out for mental help) using a flammable substance and then see how quickly you can put the fire out. A “challenge” that can disfigure you, maim you or even kill you. Who in their right mind would participate? I have gone through periods where I’ve wanted to hurt myself but never set fire to myself. That is a whole new level. But I am a fully fledged adult who doesn’t really bother with social media likes. I have to consider that some of these victims are much younger. In New Orleans, a 9-year-old boy has suffered burns to 70% of his body. New Orleans Fire Department Chief Roman Nelson says “He is in unbearable pain and lucky to be alive” His injuries serve as a cautionary tale to other young children. Hopefully it works.
Guilt over doing what’s best for you. I left my job. I’m not proud of it but my psychiatrist is. “I was proud of you for getting the job, proud of you for staying with the job and now I’m proud you left when you had to” he said. I worked in an assisted living facility. There were residents who were very kind. I had the best co workers, the kitchen staff would always make me lunch and I learned so much from my boss. But there were also residents who were difficult. I tried to please everyone and maybe that was my shortcoming. I began to get panic attacks the night before work to the point I couldn’t go anywhere. Then the voices came back while I was at work (I have a history with psychosis) telling me to hide in the closet or under the table. It was very hard to do my job properly. Finally I had a panic attack and left crying. I never went back. For a long time I felt shame and guilt. But doing what is best for your mental health is something you should never feel bad about. I was scared I’d end up back in the hospital. I literally felt myself splintering. Good thing I got out when I did.
Broken headphones. I wish my headphones worked. Yeah, that’s all I got to say on the subject.
Breaking a tooth on a candy apple. This has never actually happened to me but I imagine it could.
Being sick. Still sick. Sore throat, clogged nose, chills, muscle aches. I think I’m getting better (the last two days were the worst) but I’m not well enough to compete in Rockland Poets first second slam of the month. I have some new poems I want to try out but they’ll have to wait.
Excess caffeine. I want to quit caffeine. Not the cup in the morning or mid afternoon. But I drink alot of caffeinated drinks. There are several reasons I want to quit. I know they aren’t helpful for me and they aren’t even working. When they do wear off, I feel exhausted and I also crave the next one right away. They have alot of sugar in them which is not good for someone trying to lose weight, And they are freakin’ expensive. I would guess I spent much more on caffeine in any given week than magazines, pens and craft supplies put together. Imagine where all that money could go instead. I anticipate that this is going to be very very hard. I gave up alcohol cold turkey but I’ve never been able to kick this habit. Justin’s on my side. I’m going to alert my friends to not enable me anymore. With a support team and some incentive (for every week I don’t drink any energy drinks I’m buying myself a magazine guilt free) I think maybe I could do it.
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