Bipolar Paranoid Optimist

I didn’t come up with this scarily accurate description of me. I found it on a button and bought it instantly. So I’m not sure who to give credit to. But they know me pretty  well. 

Bipolar: Obviously I’m bipolar (type one). I wouldn’t wear this button if I wasn’t bipolar because I don’t believe being bipolar (a very serious mental illness) is something to joke about. Or exaggerate. Or use as an adjective (“Omg my mom is like so bipolar”). I’m not into censorship so I would never “ban” or try to restrict this kind of language. Just know I’ll be judging you. And anyone else who suffers from this illness probably will be too. Or they’ll think  you have it too.

Paranoid: Here’s another word I don’t like to fool around with. I’m a little less stringent with it’s use as I know it is also a colloquial term. When I get manic I can experience delusions and hallucinations and this includes paranoia. I think “they’re” (usually the voices in my head) are out to get me and I become suspicious of the people around me. This happened several times in college. Usually I would hide in the bathroom until it went away but on several instances I had to be hospitalized. 

Optimist: I found I had to go through darkness (real darkness) to appreciate sunlight. I have learned to look on the bright side and appreciate the little things. I tell this story alot but when I was told I could not go back to school I thought I had lost everything. It felt like I would never be happy again. I loved my life at school. I loved my friends. I liked my quasi boyfriend. I was walking past the community room in the hospital and decided I didn’t feel like being alone so I stopped in. They were showing Zombieland on the TV. I had never seen the movie and I found it hilarious. I realized I was laughing out loud and that restored my faith that eventually it wouldn’t hurt (as much) anymore. I also like to be proactive. When I left my old high school I joined youth groups and library groups so I could meet people and wouldn’t be sitting at home all day. After I left college I joined a poetry group which I now am an organizer for and has really brightened my life. I don’t like to think life’s as bad as it seems. Maybe it is but I’ll never admit that.