Dating Hot Takes

I had so much fun expressing my opinions about writing last week, I decided I would do it again. Its about a week after Valentine’s Day so love is still on everybody’s mind.

• Hot Take:: If you meet on a dating app it’s not “real”

           Opinion: It’s just as real as meeting at  school, church, work or a barn raising. These days more and more people are finding their sweethearts online. I was at a party recently and almost everyone there had met their partners online. Not only that but each of us had met on a different dating app. Some used Hinge, some used Tinder, Justin and I met on Bumble about four years ago. It took alot for my parents to let me use a dating website. I had used one before that but I didn’t want to go before my parents back anymore so I went to them saying without a job or school it was really hard to meet guys. My parents conceded, I met Justin later that week and the rest, they say, is history.

• Hot Take: He has to pay on the first date

Opinion: Just because he is a man does not mean he is obligated to pay on the first date. I am not a feminist that will forcibly shove money into his fist so I can pay for myself. But I also know we are enjoying each other’s company. Or maybe we weren’t. Maybe we didn’t mesh. I’m not going to force him to pay for me. What makes me so special? Unless he really wants to pay for me, I say we just go Dutch.

• Hot Take: He has to pay on every date

Opinion: He can pay on special occasions. Justin pays for almost all my meals but it doesn't mean that will work for every couple. Justin has a job, I don't.  I treated him to a very expensive birthday dinner last year.  But he pays for Valentines Day and anniversaries and my birthday and all meals in between. Sometimes he’ll ask me to cover myself and I do. I’m happy to. I don’t think it’s fair to make the “breadwinner” pay for everything when so many women have jobs of their own. Maybe he had to pay for every date in the past. But its 2026 now. Times have changed.

Hot Take: If he’s older its not okay. If she is older, it’s fine

Opinion: Neither sex should date far above their age when they are in their teens. It is becoming apparent that it is “okay” for high school guys to date older women (sometimes even their teachers) but it is predatory and usually illegal for a young girl to date an older man. This is a double standard. Neither is acceptable. When I was a teen I was taken advantage of by several older men: some in person, some over the internet. I considered myself smart and “mature” enough to enter these “relationships” but they were very damaging to me and since they knew more than me they were able to manipulate me into staying in relationships with them. Women can be just as abusive and damaging to teenage boys even though physically they might not have the advantage.

• Hot Take: If he’s much older, she’s a gold digger

Opinion: I don’t really think its wise to date someone so much older or younger than you. It’s just a risky gambit because you have a lot less in common, differing amounts of maturity and life experiences and in some extreme cases that older person could have a child your age or even younger. If you are engaged to someone older, will you ever be sure they aren’t with you for your youth and beauty? Just as someone older will never be sure a younger person isn’t using them for their wealth and resources. My bottom line: If a couple is more than thirty years apart, it can be very hard to have a practical  relationship (vs. just a fling or an affair) because you can never be sure if one or both parties are using the other . 

• Hot Take: If she does not work, she isn’t a feminist/ is lazy

                 Opinion: Being a traditional housewife is just as valid a job  as working outside the home. In a world where more and more women are going to work, it  is looked down upon for women to stay home. People accuse housewives of sitting home and eating bonbons all day while their husband brings home the bacon. However, the tasks of traditional housewives aren’t easy. They are responsible for cleaning the house, preparing meals and (sometimes) caring for the children. They are by no means easy tasks. They include dusting, vacuuming, laundry, mopping, gardening or anything to do with house and home. Once you add children it just gets harder. And unlike these women working outside the house, they are never truly done.

• Hot Take: It’s not abuse if she hits him

Opinion: It’s abuse if anyone hits anyone. If a man slaps or punches his partner there would be a major outcry: rightfully so. But what if a woman hits a man, there likely won’t be an outcry- because he’d be too embarrassed to tell anybody. Even if he did, people would likely dismiss him. “She’s a girl bro” They’d say, punching him on the arm. And even if the abuse continues he won’t tell anybody anymore. He is stuck in a toxic relationship. Its a common misconception that its okay for women to abuse men which they do in a myriad of ways but it’s simply unacceptable.

• Hot Take: You shouldn’t have sex on your first date

Opinion: Although I have grown to enjoy waiting, its your damn date. Do whatever you like. After my first date with one of my boyfriends, I let him spend the night in my dorm room bed because I liked him so much. I was however trying to be good. We went to breakfast the next day and he met all my friends. By that time I knew. When we went back to my room I took his virginity. In the later days I did feel guilty because I should have made his first time special. After that I decided I wouldn’t roll into bed with someone who obviously didn’t have much experience.

Hot Take: You should have sex on your first date

Opinion: Again, you can have sex whenever the fuck you want. I started dating someone in the middle of Lent. I had given up sex for Lent but that was not the only reason I didn’t have sex with him. I also knew I wanted to see where things went because I really, really liked this guy and I knew it wasn’t just lust. So after a few weeks of letting him feel me up in this car Lent ended and we did it. And we are still together today.

Hot Take: You can’t be friends with your ex

Opinion: If you view them in a different mentality and the role they play in your life has shifted, then I think  you can be friends with your ex. Currently I’m navigating a new role with one of my exes. I don’t think it will ever be appropriate to text him or get rides from but we can exist civilly and when we bump into each other we can fill each other in on our lives including our “new” significant others. Would I say we are friends? No. But maybe someday.

Hot Take: You will always have feelings for your ex.

Opinion: I have absolutely no clue. I think it depends on the ex. Some exes I look back on fondly but not romantically. Some exes I have left behind and have no feelings for at all. But there are one or two men that I do have some kind of feelings for. Nothing that would ever infringe on what I feel for my boyfriend (the man of my dreams). But I know there are people I have feelings for. Some feelings just never go away.