Defining the Decade Review

Over the weekend, I picked up a new book that I’ve been reading. It’s called The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now. Since I am in my twenties I bought it to see what I could learn. It’s an interesting book written by Meg Jay who is a psychologist and an Associate Professor of Human Development at the University of Virginia. She writes about how “eighty percent of life’s defining moments take place by thirty five”, which is kind of crazy and a little worrying to me. I plan on being spontaneous into my eighties. And I definitely don’t see myself publishing a bestseller before 35. I might not even be married by 35! I’m not going to rush it. But a lot of what she said I identified with.

“My Life Should Look Better On Instagram” is a prime example. She collected quotes from twentysomethings on how they felt about Instagram and other social media. By now its probably moved on to Tik Tok (which my cousin encouraged me to get. I posted four times in four  months). I get so frustrated with my fellow twentysomethings and with myself for falling into this compulsion to always be on a screen even when we are out to dinner or haven’t seen each other in a week. It’s like am I not entertaining enough for you? Am I boring you? Whatever is happening with celebrity news or political news is usually not more important than engaging in the moment. And the longer you choose screen time over reality, the less satisfied you will be in your relationships because they are all shallow.

There are several chapters on “dating down” and marriage. Personally, I wouldn’t waste my time on a guy who isn’t marriage material. The first time I realized this I was nineteen. The guy in question was a drug dealer, womanizer and my parents hated him. This was not  a promising start to a relationship. So I cut it short. Since then I’ve been looking to the future. I know some people think twenties are for having fun. My kind of fun is committing to one boyfriend and figuring life out together. Professor Jay also referenced the “cohabitation effect” which is people are more likely to divorce after they have lived together before marriage. The book offers several explanations of why this is but I think its because living together before marriage makes marriage seem more casual and divorce less of a big deal. Basically the knot is looser. Of course there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. It’s a decision everyone needs to make for themselves.

I haven’t finished the book but it’s encouraged me to think. I’m 27. I don’t have a conventional job, I don’t have a conventional life. On good days, I like it that  way. But there are typical twentysomething stuff that I always need help with. That’s why I read books like this. Recommend you check it out.