Evolution of an Obsession

I was brainwashed into being obsessed with boobs. That sounds like a weird beginning so hear me out. At age eleven, I (recently diagnosed with OCD) was terrified I was a “pervert” and told my psychiatrist I was scared I was staring at people’s boobs. This happened at a time I was growing boobs of my own (I got a bra at ten). My psychiatrist with all the best intentions tried exposure therapy- that is exposing a person to something until they are no longer frightened or bothered by it. She told me to look at women’s breasts (clothed. She was not advocating porn) on TV or in magazines and stare until I felt comfortable. On the surface this seemed to work. Until I got to about eighteen. Then I started comparisons. I felt desperate to have the biggest boobs when I was in a group. It irritated me and made me panicky when another girl had a bigger chest than mine. This is as ridiculous as it sounds but it became a serious problem for me. I would change clothes 3-5 times because I was so insecure. I went through a period of five years where I did not wear a swimsuit, I just went swimming in my clothes. I felt self-conscious all the time. I don’t know if my  body dysphoria was caused by the therapy I received as a kid. But it certainly seems like a possibility. Or maybe its just an evolution of the same worry I always had. I wonder if it’ll manifest further. Or if it’ll ever go away.