Feelings Journal Friday

Emotion: Pissy

Why I’m Pissy Today: I wish mental illness had an easy way out because (trust me) medication is not an easy way out. There’s a slew of side effects and they all interact with each other. I want to do this TMS approach. I’m willing to take risks, my parents say no and I try not to tell them that they don’t know  what this life is like, how OCD actually lowers my quality of life, how much control over my brain it has It should be my decision. Or am I not equipped to make that decision? Because I would do anything to get rid of OCD. I’d risk alot. Maybe too much. Mom and Dad only have my best interests in mind. They want to protect me. Jamie pointed out I can’t be on this much medication forever. It’ll damage me. But this could help me. Could it save me? Or am I strong enough to save myself? I’m been working on not checking except once a day (usually in the morning or before I go to bed).

What Can I Do to Be Less Pissy Tomorrow: I can accept this is my life. Everyone has hardships to overcome. They are coming out with more options every day. Sooner or later I will be able to find some release. Until then I will just have to stay strong.