Goodbye Scout

I’ve been through this before. I’m no stranger to grief of any kind. But I’m really struggling right now as my family and i plan to put down my cat, Scout. Scout has had a wonderful life (all 22 years of it!) and he’s spent most  of it with us. My brother and I got Scout and his sister Suzy (who died in 2022 while we were on a family vacation) when we were eleven. They were playful, frisky and very affectionate. They were the gentlest cats you could imagine and a constant source of entertainment. They each had their own personalities but they loved each other, curling up together on chairs and even sharing laps or giving each other baths. When Suzy passed away no one missed her more than Scout who would go looking for her.

Scout never seemed old until recently when he started to bump into things or had trouble jumping onto chairs or laps. The last week in particular was painful to witness and thats when my parents informed me we had to put him down. I don’t want to see him suffer anymore. And I’m not crying either. But it’s funny- and I have recognized this from grief before- it feels like there is an anchor that is dangling from my lungs into my stomach. It is heavy and its crushing my heart. It’s also making it really hard to breathe. I just want to cry but the tears aren’t coming. It’s always been like this. It builds and builds and builds until it breaks. Until I break. And then I can’t stop crying, usually late at night where I don’t bother anyone. Where no one knows how shattered and brokenhearted I am that my little Scoutie will be gone for good.