How to Handle Big Boobs (a Humorous Blog Post)

This is going to be a fun one….

1) Accept when you need a bra. I resisted. God, I dug my heels in so much that I’m pretty sure I left marks on Earth itself. I developed in fourth grade when I was about ten. In September, my mom pushed the idea of a bra. I didn’t get one until April. I was one of two girls in our class who had to wear one. I don’t think I ever forgave God

2) I got sexually harassed throughout middle school. Some guys would make gestures to me mimicking my heavy chest. I had a notebook that I was supposed to leave behind in the Gifted and Talented classroom. Every time I go to class, sexual obscenities and pictures of big boobs were defacing my folder. And yes, I did go to the teacher. If you feel uncomfortable never feel ashamed about going to the teacher. There is the ritualistic bullying you are forced to endure in high school, but something changes when it gets sexual. I was very ashamed, and I think the sexualization damaged me into high school.

3) Your friends might be jealous. My best friend was absolutely flat. I envied the fact that she was the fastest girl to run the mile. But she had a problem with me running. She always complained that I bounced when I ran. Even with my bra, I probably did because I could hear the boys snicker when I ran past them. But why was it her business? Eventually, she was so jealous she was actually hostile. That friendship did not survive.

4) In my high school eighth grade is high school. This meant eighth-grade girls were rubbing shoulders with senior boys. Rubbing shoulders…and other things. The older guys I were friends with were not always respectful of women. There was more than one “friend” who would “scoop” my boob or squeeze it outright. I was too embarrassed to say this made me uncomfortable.

5) I was sexually assaulted with a focus on my boobs. I blamed my clothes and my body for the assault. If I hadn’t been “flaunting” my curves would he have touched me? Grabbed me? Scarred me? I wrote another How To on this but if you ever are assaulted it is NOT your fault. You could have DD’s or be an A cup. You could be wearing nothing but a tutu. It is never your fault, and I would urge you to do something I was not brave enough to do…tell an adult. There is no pressure to testify. But it is too dangerous to bottle up inside.

6) Do you wish your boobs were bigger? I find that it is easy to find beauty in other women than it is in ourselves. That’s why sometimes you look at pictures and see something in yourself you don’t usually feel.

7) I flaunted my cleavage for a long time. I guess I stopped when I gained some weight which was humbling. Guys weren’t falling all over me. In fact, I faced rejections at every turn. I’m a little embarrassed about how skimpy I’d get especially in Snapchats. Reevaluate what message you want to send when you get dressed in the morning. I still like to be sexy and appealing but now I do it in a turtleneck (….all right I wear a tank top at the beach).

8) Do you wish your boobs were smaller? Listen I understand the struggle. Nothing looks good on me, bathing suits are a nightmare, especially string bikinis, You might develop back pain (which I have) and they just generally get in the way of stuff (have you ever been out to eat and your boobs end up in the food. Sometimes they just lie on the table). But once again looking at my Tumblr I see how enchanting women can be. In any size.

9) Don’t stop looking until you’ve found the perfect bra. You deserve something that a) fits (and trust me that’s hard enough) and b) you feel comfortable and sexy in. The right bra will make you feel like you are in the right body.

10) It’s a shame (for me) that age of boobs has now moved on to the age of ass. I am reassured by several that I have an ass. I just don’t have an ass that begs you to smack. Sometimes I stare at girls as they walk by, eyes hooked on their ass like a frat boy. Then I shake myself out of it because I know what its like to be stared at.