I Don't Know.....Questions From 2022

• Will Justin and I work out?

Well its two years later and we are still going strong. I don't ask this question anymore because I'm pretty confident we will.

• If my books will ever see the light of the New York Times bestseller list I've published six books so far. None of them seem to be headed for the bestseller list. But I think my book Story of Hope really has potential. I'm still looking for an agent, someone that will appreciate my work and helps me get where I want to be.

• If I will have a baby I'm not having a baby. I've spoken on this subject before. Between my genes/ health issues and my mental disorders, I don't think it's a good idea to subject my baby to a world in which he or she would have me as a parent. I am a good person, I am good with kids but I really don't think I would make a good mother. It took a long time for me to finally admit this to myself. In 2022 I wasn't ready. I am now.

• If I will ever be able to find a job

I stopped looking for work after the pandemic and started working on my writing full time. Since then I have published six books and worked on several others. My parents are able to support me since I can't work anymore and the money I make off my books isn't enough. Maybe I will get another job in the future but for now I feel very happy and fulfilled doing what I love.

• What songs Papa Roach will play?

I think I wrote these questions before I went to a Papa Roach concert. But I was actually more impressed by Hollywood Undead who opened for them. One of their musicians, Danny Rose Murillo, is now my celebrity crush.

• Will the United States go to war?

This is still a question I am asking myself. Some people think we are in World War 3 right now. Others predict it's right around the corner. If someone asked me, a casual layperson, what I thought I'd say there's a good chance we will be involved in some sort of global crisis which is only made worse by the fact that we are practically at war back here at home (which is the United States, in case you didn't know). I think we have to be very careful. And honestly, I don't think there is much chance avoiding war.

• If I will ever get off some of my medications

I am actually coming off Risperdal but that is only because it fucked with pituitary gland and it was a health risk. I'm not sure what my psychiatrist will replace it with yet (Abilify and I didn't work out). The rest of my medicine cabinet does not look like it's going anywhere anytime soon.

• If Co-vid becomes obsolete Sadly, I don't think Co-vid will ever become obsolete. I've had it three times already. Each case was milder than the last but each time fucks with my psychiatric meds and after my latest bout with it I can't tolerate any spicy foods. I wish Co-vid would go away but I think we are stuck with it.

• If there will be a fire

My therapist told me that most people with OCD worry about house fires. When I was younger, I actually watched the house behind us burn to the ground, which probably didn't help matters. But nope, no fire (so far)

• If I will ever move out

I have a long ways to go before I move out. It's laughable that I once thought I'd be married and moved out by 25, pregnant by 30. These are all dreams that will never come true. It's not necessarily a bad thing though. Plans change. I need to learn to be more independent before I stop living under my parent's room. Wash a couple more dishes. You know.

• When will we not have to wear masks?

In MOST settings, masks are not mandated or even suggested. I hardly ever wear them. The science on them is very fuzzy, for one thing. Plus I usually have trouble breathing with them. I'll wear them in a hospital or if I'm visiting someone with a compromised immune system. Other than that, I'm done with masks.

• How to fit all my journals into my four fireproof boxes Still figuring this out. It's like a game of Tetris.

• Will I die alone and homeless under a bridge? So I have a very excellent therapist. He says most of our worries come down to this one thing if you break it down: Will I die alone and homeless under a bridge? Of course our worries are more complicated than that but he says this is the essence of our worries. I'm surrounded by people I love. I have a roof over my head. So far, so good.