I'm Manic

I write to you from inside the belly of the beast. Yes, I’m manic. From crying in bowling alleys to sleepless nights at four am, I am very much manic. My feelings shackle me. It started out by wanting to try every single hobby on the planet ever. Then the ‘no sleep’ and ‘constant talking’ kicked in. This was the “euphoric” stage of mania. Where I feel beautiful, confident, like everyone loves me. Sometimes I’m hypersexual, this time I was not (thank God because we had family staying over). This grandiosity usually turns around and kicks me in the ass. The irritability stage comes next where I am hypersensitive to every little slight, real or imagined. Trust me I am not a pleasant person to be around. My doctor has been increasing my meds. The tremor is back which makes stringing beads difficult. And I feel exhausted. But I still want to complete a million projects. I have a short circuit in my brain curtesy of a thousand ideas. It could get worse. I’ve been worse, I know that. But I just hope this goes away soon.