Interview with Musician Antique Mascara

Antique Mascara is a talented songwriter/ musician who has been composing songs since she was sixteen years old. Born into a family of Jehovah’s witnesses, she left that faith to live her own life and create her own music. She says “Before that, it was all about listening to other artists’ songs and learning how to express what I felt inside. I wasn’t raised to acknowledge my emotions, because it might lead me to question what I'd been taught. Jehovah’s Witnesses train their members to avoid thinking for themselves and to believe what they're told - like every other cult”

She adds “Music was a secret way to think for myself. I knew there was more to life, but it was rough to leave it, because I'd been born into the religion and it'd been all I’d ever known. I knew the consequences of thinking for myself was complete shunning from every family member I had. My family had been JWs for 4 generations. I loved my family, so I was really torn in my teen years. I had two choices: Seek truth and lose everyone I knew or stay where I was and kill myself? Neither choice was ideal, but I knew I wanted to live. Music reminded me of that. I knew there were people out there who could experience real love that couldn't be shut off like a switch. My first song was the beginning of processing thoughts and emotions that would change my life forever. Music saved my life in many ways”

Antique’s first album, Stop Breathing, You’re Turning Me On, which debuted in 2019, is available on Spotify. Her favorite song on the album is “Hurt Me”

“People who are close to me may not like it, because they think I was in pain when I wrote it, but I wasn't. It was written from the point of view of someone I imagined, a past self. They were old thoughts and feelings that were so separated from my present self that it was beautiful and soothing for me to write. It was birthed from the thought - Everyone, without vocalizing it, is constantly begging other people to love them. We go on a date, we hope they fall in love with us, we make a friend, we hope they love us. Too often, though, we're severely disappointed. However, if we asked people to hurt us, instead... we would at least be getting what we asked for. We wouldn't be disappointed. It was also inspired by a podcast episode on S&M, but that's another story, lol.”

I asked Antique her greatest struggle and her greatest joy as a songwriter were. She said her greatest challenge was “Facing the truths I didn't want to face. We all have those issues that we instinctively feel would be easier if we just glossed over them and distracted ourselves with work or hobbies. I've written songs in the midst of crying, because I was approaching a thought that I'd been avoiding that wouldn't stay hidden any longer. I know, though, that getting it out is the only way to heal, just like taking the bullet out of a wound lets it heal. Vulnerability is fucking terrifying sometimes.”

On the other hand, being a songwriter can be very rewarding. Antique says her greatest joy is “Making people feel and think. I love to know what my music makes people remember, what thought surfaces or what emotions come up for them. Art is a beautiful thing and I believe a big reason for that is that it affects all of us differently. It never hits anyone exactly the same. I sang a song called, "Ghost" at an open mic in New Paltz one night. It's one of those songs that takes a lot out of me, because I put so much in. One of those songs I sink into every time I play. I guess I do that with all my songs... Anyway, a little time went by and I get a message from one of the young ladies I knew from the open mic. She thanked me for that song. She said it helped give her the strength to report her father for molesting both her and her sister and he went to prison. I had no idea I had taken people so deeply on the journey with me during the song that night. Her story mirrors much of my own. My father went to jail for the same thing. There's a lot of that in the JW cult. "Stand up to that ghost. Stand up to the man who fucked your mind the most."

Antique writes on a variety of topics which includes “Anything I'm passionate about. I used to write great angry songs, now I can write a pretty decent love song, because I met my wife. I also really enjoy writing as a character - wondering how I would feel if I were someone else and wanted revenge (Who Do You Think You Are) or was overtaken by hate (On the Way Down) for the people who judge me. It's a great way for me to process my shit so I don't become someone who I don't want to be. At one point in my life, I could have been that person, but it's great to know who I am deeply enough to not feel threatened by going down that road in my head. It reminds me how far I've come with my mental and emotional health. That takes some hard work, no doubt”

Antique is a pretty motivational person herself, but she says she’s inspired by “People who continue to do selfless and good deeds, expecting nothing in return. People who strive to be good human beings, despite this world trying to brainwash all of us into believing we need to be greedy, self-centered oligarchs to get ahead in this world. I like the idea that we all get what we deserve, when it comes to love. Heartless souls will never know the utter joy of truly being loved. If you can't understand love, you'll never feel it fully. That's a hell I believe exists. I've been there.”

Every songwriting process is different. “Having a programmed beat or bassline really helps things flow, but sometimes I get a melody in my head and it starts from there. Most of the time, I don't even know what words will pop out of my head until I start writing. It's a surprise to me, usually. "Wow, I didn't know I cared that much" or "Where the hell did that come from?" are common sayings when I write”

When I asked if she experienced writer’s block ever, she replied “Bien sûr!” (she has actually written a bridge of a song in French) “Of course! Usually when I've isolated myself too much and am too wrapped up in the day to day worries of life. Writer's block usually means I need to stop and process some thoughts and emotions that I've been ignoring. Sometimes, I stop wanting to share my art with the world, because I see too much of the worst of humanity and wonder why I would ever try to bring joy to those kinds of people. But my music is not FOR those people. So, I have to go out and find my people.”

But she has a cure (for herself at least): “Getting out to be around genuinely good people. Being vulnerable. Because when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you learn what other people can connect with. People are comfortable talking about their vulnerabilities and feel safe to do so. A big reason that I started doing music was to connect with other people, to learn what was important to them and what we have in common. So getting out and being around other like-minded souls, like at the poetry night where I met you, is always a big step toward me letting down my guard.

“As I was brought up a JW, I was trained to look for ways to start conversations and find common ground to make it easier to convert outsiders. It disgusted me that they wanted me to manipulate people to pull them into the cult. I really would have liked to just better people's lives and make friends. So, I do that now without ever expecting anything in return.”

She has a message for fellow musicians: “Integrity is rare, do not lose it. Be yourself, even if others say it's weird and unprofitable. Your least favorite song will always be the one the producer got his hands into the most. Know who you are and don't back down.”

“Also, if you don't feel comfortable with a label or studio you're at, leave those fuckers. Find somewhere that fits your energy. You do your best work when you're comfortable.”

With her drive and her talent, we will certainly be hearing more from Antique in the future.