Kill Bill the Whole Bloody Affair Part One

I am definitely a Quentin Tarantino fan. When I heard some genius had smashed Kill BIll Vol. 1 and Kill Bill Vol. 2 into one long 4 ½ long movie I was in. Last night Justin, me and some friends of ours went to see it in theaters for a session of kung fu, biting dialogue and blood spray. Not everybody’s cup of tea but it was mine so we grabbed our snacks and waited for the movie to begin. 

A vehicle labeled The Pussy Wagon pulls up to the house of Vernita Green, an unassuming suburban house with children’s toys littering the front lawn.. Uma Thurman (known throughout the movie as “The Bride”) disembarks from the car and like a civilized person rings the doorbell. When Vernita Green answers it, she is horrified to see Uma Thurman and almost immediately the two begin to engage in combat. They take turns landing blows, fighting with knives and tearing up every inch of a suburban living room by throwing each other into shelves and on top of coffee tables. Then they freeze as Vernita’s daughter, NIkia, arrives home from school and hide their weapons behind their backs, panting and bloodstained. Nikia’s eyes widen as she takes in the living room which her mother blames on the dog. You can tell Nikia doesn’t really believe her but she goes to her room anyway.

Vernita offers the Bride some coffee and The Bride informs her that just because she has no wish to murder Vernita in front of her daughter doesn’t mean she won’t kill her. She clearly is holding a grudge and is out for revenge. And just because Vernita “got knocked up” doesn’t mean anything is going to change that. Vernita reaches for a cereal box on the pretense of getting Nikia some food but she pulls a gun. She shoots and misses. Uma is faster and throws a sharp instrument, landing the blow and killing Vernita. When she turns Nikia is standing in the doorway. She apologizes to Nikia and says if after Nikia grows up she wants to find her they can settle it then. 

The next “chapter” (the story is told in chapters)  is a flashback to the scene at the Chapel where the Bride (then pregnant) and eight others are gunned down by the Viper Assasination Squad (which included Vernita Green). At first they thought The Bride was dead but no she was alive, only in a coma (isn’t it crazy what movies can get away with) and she wakes up four years later with several other comatose bodies in a quiet hospital wing. She immediately feels her belly for her baby and realized she has lost it. She screams and cries in what might be the most painful part of the movie (far more painful than people getting their limbs chopped off) A mother aching for her daughter.

Then something truly disgusting happens. It is revealed that the night nurse (Buck) has been having sex with her unconscious body and also renting her body out to other men for money. Uma Thurman plays possum until the second  man crawls on top of her after the nurse leaves then she bites off the man’s tongue. When the nurse comes back she renders him incapacitated  even though at the moment she is unable to walk. She steals his “Pussy Wagon” and drives it to Vernita’s house. One crossed off her list.

This next part of the movie (Chapter Three) introduces another member of the Viper Assasination Squad, O-Ren Ishii (played by a very talented Lucy Liu). As a little girl she watches as her parents are brutally slaughtered (she hides under the bed). When she gets older she kills the mob boss that executed her parents as well as his right hand man. This part of the movie is interesting because it is told in anime form (which of course allows for more blood splatter), the only part of the movie to do this. As a grown up she is head of all the different gangs in Tokyo. 

Next stop for Uma Thurman is Okinawa to get a Samurai sword.  The man from Okinawa, Hattori Hanzo, is a master sword craftsman. However, he has taken a blood oath not to fashion any more swords because they are instruments of death. But Uma Thurman only has to namedrop “Bill” and Hanzo takes a month making a sword for her while she practices. She certainly needs the practice because O-Ren Ishii has like a thousand people for Uma Thurman to slaughter before she can get to her.

Uma Thurman confronts O-Ren as she and her team are enjoying a raucous feast at a Japanese restaurant. She chops off the arm of Sophie, O-Ren’s right hand girl when she encounters her in the bathroom. Sophie falls to the floor, blood spurting everywhere and O-Ren orders her entire team against Uma Thurman whom she takes down one by one leaving only one: the young (she’s like seventeen) and insane (she definitely has a warped sense of humor) bodyguard: Go-go. Uma Thurman feels compassion for the young girl and gives her the chance to leave. But Go-go giggles and appears with a long ball and chain with deadly spikes surrounding the ball. It is her weapon of choice, not the sword. The two engage in battle and Uma takes a few hits. Go-go is clearly a capable fighter. But Uma is victorious when she hits Go-go in the head with a plank of wood and several exposed nails. Go-go’s eyes fill up with blood and she slumps to the floor.

But wait there’s more! “You didn’t think it’d be that easy do you?” O-Ren asks Uma Thurman as dozens and dozens of fighters swarm the restaurant (all the patrons have fled by the way and among the fighters are bodies with and without limbs everywhere). Uma takes care of all the fighters except a very young boy that she spanks with the sword and tells him to go home to his mother. Then she is free to pursue O-Ren and the two finally have it out.

Honestly I think Go-go gave up more of a fight than O-Ren which I guess is why she was the body guard. Both Uma and O-Ren fight with swords in the garden behind the restaurant which is heavy with snow (the better to contrast with blood, my dear). O-Ren deals a blow that looks like it might take Uma out. But she rallies and recovers remarkably quickly. She injures O-Ren then slices off the very top of her scalp so we can see her brain. O-Ren slumps to the ground.

Finally, Uma takes Sophie, packs her in the trunk of the car, and delivers her body (anonymously) to a hospital. She wants Sophie to report back to Bill everything that happened and she pumps Sophie for information. The end of the movie shows Bill comforting Sophie who is a mess. It does not show Bill’s face.

Intermission.