Letters to Myself Part 3

This is a letter I wrote to myself a year later on a retreat.  I was seventeen when I wrote the letter and received it when I was eighteen. 

Dear Me (Leigh),

This is the third self- letter I’ve written and now that I’m 17 it should be even more insightful than the last two (well just as). The last weekend has been amazing. I hadn’t seen or spoken to any of these guys in a year and oh how I’ve missed them. I’m so busy but if my week isn’t too crazy I’m going to make a pledge here and now to attend youth group at least from time to time. Games and cute boys- the perfect combination. I’ve taken alot from this weekend- namely that you just got to put yourself out there. “Hi, I’m Leigh” It works.

Another thing I’ve learned this weekend is people are definitely not always who they seem. Some kids who I thought were just popular kids whose moms made them go really opened up and let things be raw. It’s amazing when someone (especially a boy) gives you that kind of glimpse into their soul. It’s amazing the support I have here- that I could literally just show up and have a good time is a testament to that. While remembering the support I have here I musn’t forget the support I have at home. Charles, Mellissa and Renata will all be writing me letters. The fact they did what I asked and wrote me a letter is just….wow. And when Charles said he couldn’t live without me- that’s the kind of meaning I have to people, I just got to realize it.

This next year is supposed to be important- or so everyone keeps telling me. Pass the tests, do the work- but don’t put so much pressure on yourself you forget to be well rounded and take advantage of things outside of school. In the next year a great many changes are to take place. I’ll been applying to colleges, I’ll be going to Europe, and maybe California and there is so much more I could never imagine. I need to remember to give my heart to everything that is important to me. You only get out as much as you put in. 

Leigh, there’s so much to say but I can’t find the words. I’m sitting in the boat house in my winter coat, snug mittens and wet socks trying to picture you home back in bed. You will be a senior in high school, a feat I never thought possible. Remember when the time comes for you to choose a college you choose a school where you know it’s right- even it academically it’s not the top or the boys aren’t that cute, go by that feeling inside. For your senior year of high school you need to go all out at school. It can get tedious day after day but it’s a great place. Remember lunchtime flash mob? Or when you were crying in the bathroom and some upperclassmen stopped to comfort you? Next year you will be the upperclassmen- remember how overwhelming it can be to be new. Help a girl with her books, give her directions or a smile. You can make a difference in everybody’s day. 

I hope youth group (Nanuet) is still going strong. They are my family, my life- even with the new pastor. I won’t let that go. Make a pact or something that even after graduation you will always be connected. I suspect I will still be close with Charles, Mellissa and Andriy. Maybe Andriy has a girlfriend. Maybe you are over him- I don’t know. Right now he’s like a sun in my sky. But suns don’t burn forever- he’s a friend, brother and I never will jeopardize that. 

Since it’s been a year since my last letter, I have learned so much more about breakups. They sting but heal with time and chocolate and bubble baths. And if you feel neglected or lonely for God’s sake stay busy. Yesterday I put my town in the offertory. It was such an empowering, overwhelming emotion. My town is behind me. What happened there has shaped me (somewhat) but it hasn’t (and won’t) make me. I will only (at the time of this letter) be in this town for several more months. Think of that. There just is so much to say but I don’t have words. I’ll try to end as I know how- with music”Love,

Leigh

“Love will hold us together, make us a shelter the weather the storm

And I’ll be my brother’s keeper, so the whole world know that we are not alone”

• Hold Us Together by Matt Maher

“And I’lll be by your side whenever you fall in the dead of night, whenever you call

And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you; my hands are you holding you”

• By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

“So let your heart, sweet heart

Be your compass when you’re lost

And you should follow it whenever you go

When it’s all said and done

You can walk instead of run

Because no matter what you’ll never be alone”

• Compass by  Lady Antebellum