Letters To Myself Part 4

This is a letter I wrote as a senior in high school to me as a freshman in college on a Christian retreat.

Dear Leigh

This is my fourth and possibly final Journey letter. By now you are a young woman (probably in college). College. Right now it still seems unfathomable but next year that’s where I will be living. No matter where you ended up going I want you to apply the lessons you learned this weekend (and past Journeys). Obviously I’m loved- so many people care for me even though I may not see it every day. I want to remember not only the strength of my support system, but the strength of myself. I’ve gotten myself through so much- the road has been long and hard but I’ve worked through it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I’m pretty strong- stronger than the people that have hurt me, stronger than my OCD, stronger than any unfortunate circumstances.

Right now I love —---- very much. I want to believe so badly that this is forever (T-Swizzle reference right there) but college and OCD might put too much of a strain on our relationship. I want you to know that whatever happens it was meant to be and to focus on the good times. Love does exist and you deserve it. You deserves someone who always makes you happy. I don’t know if you are still a virgin but if you are I hope you realize why you waited to long,make sure the person you lose your virginity to is someone you could see forever with If you have and you regret it, just remember there are also second chances so don’t treat it as any less special. 

College might be overwhelming and it might seem like you’re on your own but you are stronger than you think. You are at college to learn and grow as a person not party so I want you to make good decisions and not implode during your first semester. Have fun but not so much fun you forget the values you have with the people you care about. Some part of me is scared to leave- to leave —---- and our friends. Chance is inevitable though- fighting it is like swimming against the current and you are only going to tire yourself out. Your college life is going ot be busy but please remember to make time for God. Campus ministry may not seem like the coolest thing to do but you can’t party every night. Where does that get you? So take advantage of the retreats, the religious community. I really miss Nanuet youth group, Matt as my spiritual mentor. Spiritually I sometimes still feel a little lost without him but when I tarry (pray/ commune with God), I almost always am comforted and reassured. 

I expect alot of you this year- I expect you to enjoy the last bit of ohigh school and not wish so desperately you were in college. I’m at a very good point in my life right now. It’s a little hard that this may be the last time I write to myself (technically I could always write letters to myself but it’s not the same). It’s cold in the boathouse but I still smile. I remember the fun I had this pas weekend,  this past Christmas vacation, the this past spring and summer. I have come so far since the first Journey. “‘Courageous” was the theme my first year and a courageous I am. Just a shy freshmen not really knowing anyone or what to expect but taking a chance (just like I did with the Nanuet Public library) and hoping it would pay off big time. Next year I want to take more of these chances- joining more clubs or activities, having a ne experience.  

Busy though you are you better still be writing. It is your refuge and escape. Sophomore year the theme was Home and there I was trying to accept myself and find acceptance in the places around me. Last year was Compass and I was a junior trying to direct the way my life was going. Now the theme is “Lean on Me”  because we all know we need someone to lean on. I find it sad that there will be other retreats. There’s alot to say but I’m scared to sound redundant or cheesy. I guess remember that God is watching me in my various endeavours and he has angels here on Earth to guide me.

 As —--- —--- so eloquently said “There are no coincidences only God instances” Which can be as small as a smile or as big as getting the role of Trix. Someone smart once said “Here’s a test to see if your mission on Earth is is finished. If  you are alive…it isn’t” Hopefully you are still alive so go out in the world, live your forth day, live your mssison, do God’s work. Make mistakes. Who cares? You’re living. You can’t let people intimidate you, especially when the only reason they do it is because they are jealous of how beautiful, smart and loved you are. 

Love,

Leigh