Mini Memoir Adolescence Four

Describe your first kiss: It was very painful because the guy who kissed me had previously sexually assaulted me. I was in denial and I thought if we kissed and became boyfriend/ girlfriend it would make. It didn’t. At all. Just another violation. 

Describe your first date. My first real date was a play at a Catholic school with my boyfriend Shawn. It actually was our only date because our schedules were both so busy. Before that I had been out with guys but just to hook up and we never really called it a date.

Did you go steady? I went steady with three people in high school (four if you count —---): Shawn, Roger and Joe (the second Joe). Joe I dated the longest, about two years. We broke up after my first semester at college.

Describe the first time you fell in love. I thought I was in love with Joe (first Joe). I’m not sure if it was just teenage infatuation. I did love second Joe though. With him my life felt like a romance novel and I realized what it was to be wooed and appreciated.

What pressure, either from within or from others, did you feel to engage in physical intimacy

My boyfriend —---- was very pushy about sex. The first time he invited me over for a family BBQ he took me upstairs. He just wanted to get in my pants.

If you surrendered to those feelings, what was the experience like and how did you feel afterward? I felt awkward, uncomfortable and I was very worried about STDs. —------ would do things to me while his Grandma was in the kitchen or persuade me to do things to him while we watched movies. Looking back he clearly used me for sex.

Describe your first exposure to homosexuality. I was called gay alot in middle school. BUt it wasn’t until eighth grade when I met Ally on a school trip that I really felt attracted to a girl. My biggest crush on a girl in 8th grade was Kelly from Bocy’s.