Negative Lifetraps

I got an interesting book from the library. It’s called “Reinventing Your Life” by Jefferey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko. It  is about the different lifetraps we might be tied to, such as abandonment for instance. I’m looking to explore alot with this book but for today I’m just taking the test to determine which lifetraps I still struggle with (I know I had problems with alot of them in my teens). The statements are rated out of 6 and if you have 4,5 or 6 you probably have a problem with that lifetrap. 

Abandonment:

1. I find myself clinging to the people I’m close to because I’m afraid they will leave me.

As a child: 4

Now: 3

2. I worry alot that the people I love will find someone else they prefer and leave me

As a child: 5

Now: 3

Highest Score: 5

This means that I have an abandonment lifetrap. This does not surprise me. I was one of the clingiest kids I knew. When I grew up I was misdiagnosed as borderline personality disorder because I had such a problem with abandonment. I grew very jealous and possessive if my friends made new friends, friends who weren’t mine. Romantic partners were even worse. But I think now,  I have finally conquered that. In fact, I even tease my boyfriend about finding other girls attractive (it sounds strange but he does the same with me) because at the end of the day we are coming home to each other,

3. I am usually on the lookout for people’s ulterior motives; I don’t trust people easily

As a child: 3

Now: 3

4. I feel I cannot let my guard down around other people or they will hurt me

As a child: 3

Now: 2

Highest Score: 3

Even though I’ve been hurt (ex been in several abusive relationships) I’m not really afraid of people. I trust most people unless they give me a reason not to.

5. I worry more than the average person about danger- that I will get sick or some home will come to me.

As a child: 6

Now: 6

6. I worry that I (or my family) will lose money and become destitute or dependent on others 

As a child: 2

Now: 3

Highest Score: 6

I’ve worried about my house burning down  for as long as I can remember. I witnessed a house fire as a kid and I think it latched onto my OCD because I’m always worried a fire will destroy all my journals. I also worry alot in the car, especially when the driver is going somewhere new. I envision innumerable car accidents that never happen. 

7. I do not feel I can cope well by myself so I feel I need other people to help me get by

As a child: 5

Now: 6

8. My parents and I tend to be overinvolved in each other other’s lives and problems

As a child: 5

Now: 5

Highest Score: 6. My parents take very good care of me. I live at home and they do alot for me, maybe too much. I want to move in with my boyfriend one day but I’m not ready. I do my own laundry, wash dishes, that’s it. I don’t know how to manage my medication, my insurance is under my dad and I think I’ve vacuumed once. I have the occasional meltdown which my parents know how to deal with. 

9. I have not had someone to nurture me, share him/ herself with me, or care deeply about what happens to me.

As a child: 1

Now: 1

10. People have not been there to meet my emotional needs for understanding, empathy, guidance, advice, and support

As a child:: 1

Now: 1

Practically the opposite. I have received love from all directions at every stage of my life.

Those are the first lifetraops the book talks about. Try to identify yours. And I hoped you had lovely holidays (Easter and Passover).