May Resolutions

Make a Cape Cod budget and stick to it	Brainstorm programs I can run at my job	Make  a thinspiration board/ journal	Help cook at least (AT LEAST) three meals	Find more summer clothes
Follow up about the job/ finally start it	Cohost May slam with Cshep	Work on 2026 scrapbook	Write a letter to God every Monday	Write more book reviews for my upcoming (secret) book
Finish Dream Daddy	Take breaks for myself at Cape Cod	FREE SPACE	Decorate my next journal	Fill up my five subject notebook
Go through my Youtube channel and unsubscribe to the channels I no longer listen to	Monitor my irritability	Pick ten songs to play on the piano daily	Make a book on the six wives of Henry the 8th (illustrated with facts. Use a blank book)	Fill up my Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow book
Blog more about my weight loss journey	See Devil Wears Prada 2 with my besties	Start a new column on my blog called “public conversation”	Put the five parts on my (secret) book together and do another round of editing.	Finish my Shadow Growth Book

To clarify some goals:

• We go to Cape Cod every May (Justin comes too). My parents are very generous; they pay for food and our hotel rooms but Justin and I like to go to town where they have great stores like Puzzle Me This (a puzzle and board game store) and the beautiful shell shop. I could shell (get it?) out alot of money at Cape Cod, especially Provincetown. There’s a place called the Portuguese Bakery that had the most delicious cod fish cakes (but last year every time I stepped in there they were out). Justin and I also go out to clubs sometime and beer does eat away money. I also have a tendency to get overwhelmed at Cape Cod. My whole family is there and I have a lot of memories of my grandparents whom I lost when I was in my teens. Sometimes I just need to take a breather because constantly partying on the beach can be exhausting.

• Dream Daddy is a Nintendo Switch dating simulator that is silly but really really fun. Basically you are a dad and you date other dads. You get to choose what to say and who to date and sometimes there are minigames. I’m courting like seven dads at once including the intellectual Hugo, the barista Matt, the closeted Joseph (he’s married), the eccentric Damien, the rebel Robert, and the competitive Brian. Oh yeah and the fitness guy Craig who was actually my college buddy. I’m not sure who I’ll end up with but for now I’m enjoying the ride. 

• Yeah I haven’t started my job yet because my paperwork isn’t in. I’m waiting on fingerprints. It’s actually majorly stressing me out because I’m scared they are going to replace me but most people I know said it took them a while to start their jobs as well (including my dad. It took him six months). I don’t remember it taking me this long to start retail but this is  a very different job and requires more care and consideration since it deals with people not clothes. I do have a list of programs I’d like to implement at my job like doing erasure and acrostic poems, Mad Libs, scrapbooking, and leading bible study. Some of that would challenge myself in new ways but I’m okay with that. Isn’t that what we are here for? 

• I am subscribed to about (maybe?) fifty channels and I don’t even remember half of them. I need to purge my account. I like watching videos that stimulate me politically and socially, or relax me. There’s time for both.

• I’m serious about my weight loss journey. I’ve been watching a Youtuber Sydney Watson and she does a lot of videos exposing the fat acceptance movement. How people don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and go body positivity etc. I don’t want to shame anyone for their weight. I myself am fat and I know it. I don’t eat a huge amount; I merely am on 13 medications and they just make me hungry. But I mean, it adds up. That’s why I gained seventy pounds in two years. It is insanely frustrating to me how some people celebrate being fat while people die of diabetes and heart disease but we’ll get into that another time. I want to make a thinspiration book that will inspire me to eat more healthy and go to the gym more (bear in mind I go five days a week). 

• Tomorrow I’m cohosting a slam with Cshep (one of the  more capable poets I know). I guess I could have competed but I wasn’t sure if I had a worthy poem plus I would feel weird competing knowing none of the other organizers could (like Cshep hardly ever gets to compete  because he is such a good host). Plus I can get practice hosting. I would like to host slams on my own one day (I’ve hosted open mics) but I’m still too nervous.

• Apparently the vaccine I got the other day can cause irritability which baffles my mind but it is an injection so I guess it has the power to do that. Even without the shot I've been more irritable lately which is also a sign of mania.  I need to be vigilant of that. 

• This is going to be the movie of the month. Did i mention Emily Blunt is in it? (I have a thing for Emily Blunt)

• I tend to work on different songs every day which keeps things new but i would like to focus on ten songs that I could improve on. I haven't decided on which songs yet just so i could reveal them in a different post.

• I've been considering starting “public conversation” for a while.  Its going to be more aboutt social issues than politics because I don't want my blog to be divisive and the gulf between the two parties are just too wide for me to cross. On this blog anyway. 

• I don't think I'm getting any better at cooking. But summer is when Justin gets the kitchen to himself and he is a great teacher.  As I once mentioned I like pounding and drying the meat.  Does that make me weird?

• I know I've been mysterious about this “secret” book that i am writing under yet another pseudonym. I felt the only way I could do honest writing was if no one could identify me or any of the other people in the book. In the past, I have kept the secrets of others close to my chest. In this book, I am more open about the different relationships I have with people. I don’t go out of my way to hurt anybody’s feelings but I am honest about the way people have treated me. If that makes you nervous, consider it a good thing I’m changing everybody’s names.