Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow Part Four

Athena Singh, through her quote “Never trust your fears- they don’t know your strength”reminds us that we have the capacity to overcome the things that scare us

Yesterday: What scared you as a child and did you develop any phobias because of this fear?

I witnessed a house fire when I was in elementary school. The house behind us burned to the ground. We had to prepare to leave in case the fire spread to our house. I worried I could all my memories and journals. I started to acquire fireproof boxes to keep them safe.

Today:: Thinking about today, do  you still have those same fears or have you outgrown them? Do you have any new fears you didn’t have before?

Yes I still have those fears. I have also acquired new ones: hurting my parents, being alone, not being beautiful. In middle school I had a nest of fears that spanned a set of encyclopedia (a broken locker, a mean teacher, a forgotten homework assignment). 

Tomorrow: Do you have any fears concerning the tomorrows ahead of you– if so, what?

I worry there is no God and all this is just well- this. If there is no God will all the suffering have  been for naught? BUt what about the happiness? There has to be a reason for it all. I worry I will have to get back to the hospital. That my OCD will come back. That once I get old and ugly no one will pay me attention. I don’t want to give that up.

The expression “The grass is greener on the other side” was once a popular way for people to compare their situations with others implying that they might be happier with what someone else had. However, the saying has been revised to convey a different perspective: “The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it”

Yesterday: Reflect on the first instance when you believed the grass was greener somewhere else and reasons why you felt that way

When I went on medical leave, I was so envious of my friends who would complain about professors and homework in the group chat. Sometimes I actually want to scream at them “You have everything. You have each other and I’m two hours away with only my therapist for company”

Today: Do  you think you’re watering the grass where you are right now or are you still daydreaming about the grass being greener elsewhere? Explain

I’ve started watering my grass around the time I joined Rockland Poets, of which I am now on the board. I have met so many friends. All my college friends graduated without me and though that made me kind of sad  I’m not really close to them anymore. I’ve moved on and my grass has too.

Tomorrow: As you contemplate your future, what steps can  you take now to avoid looking back with regrets? Is there a current challenge, such as a lack of appreciation, boredom or another factor that you need to address?

I don’t have a current challenge. Well, sticking to the fodmap diet is very hard especially since it has to be gluten free. I also want to lose weight (by the weight this week I lost two pounds which is always encouraging). I have some regrets since I left college (trying polyamory would be the the biggest) but I’m been making decisions I’m proud of. I’m going to continue to do that.

There’s an old Irish blessing that echoes a meaningful reminder: ‘May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten” It perfectly sums up a wish for a life filled with cherished memories and the wisdom to let go of those best left behind.

Yesterday: When reflecting on  your past what aspects do you believe are best forgotten and what moments and lessons are worth remembering?

I would like to forget sophomore year (college). It was the year of the fight with Derrick, Samantha’s betrayal, Connor’s rejection, medical leave, two hospitalization, and my first psychotic break. I could also forget junior year or the fact that I dated Mark entirely. My lesson in not everyone has to like me.

Today: Reflecting on your present, what aspects would you prefer to forget and what moments do you anticipate remembering fondly.

I wish to forget the pressure I put on myself to be perfect. I wish to forget how much physical pain I’m in (especially my bad shoulder) and still some mental suffering. I anticipate remembering  book club meetings and parties with my friends and poet events.

Tomorrow: What memories are you eagerly looking forward to creating that bring excitement about the future. Explore the emotions, experiences and moments that filll you with anticipation for what lies ahead?

Well in September two of my best friends are getting married. Justin booked us an Air BNB for three nights. There will be two days of festivities- a dinner, a ceremony, a reception and an afterparty.  A few weeks later  I'm celebrating my birthday. Mom says we can hold it in a hall.